i'm good. i'm fine. more than fine.

[purgatory]

Since when does calling a friend (male or female) mean that you *need* validation. Like Cadet said- isn't that what we were all looking for when we came here to the boards? I've never heard that humans were designed to be isolated people, we are social creatures by nature... so are we all needy? And if so, why is that wrong?

You have shown time and time again that you are able to stand on your own two feet and face your sitch with dignity. You have done A LOT of hard work on yourself and the M, and should feel proud that you can tell your kids "mommy tried". Isn't the point of all the introspections, effort and hard work to come out of it with a sense of self worth and what you value in yourself and a relationship? If after months of posting here (receiving validation from all of us, btw), self-reflection, 180's, GAL activities, even going to RV... you decided to call a friend (which I would call a 180 since it's out of your comfort zone)- wth is the problem??

I can completely understand the awkwardness and feeling nervous- after all, you said this wouldn't have happened in your M. Someone mentioned closing the door a little bit more on your M... is that what gives you hesitation? Any guilt that you may or may not have felt, is simply b/c you haven't fully chosen to move on yet. You've already admitted that you *think* you're done, which we all know means that you haven't put both feet into the water.... and that's ok! You're still standing on the edge thinking about what could be out there if you decide to let go.

I'll tell you this: when/if you decide that you've done what *YOU* can for your M, and you choose to move forward into a new life which is focused on you and your kids... it will be beautiful. You can choose to do it alone, or choose to have someone in it with you- either one isn't wrong. If you already know that you are a person who enjoys having someone to share in your activities and experiences...so be it. All of your hard work has led you to understand what you want from and for your life (whether that's in a M or not), and you have all the power to make that happen.

Whoever is blessed enough to be a part of your life, will have to be an incredible human being... because you're pretty m'fing special and you deserve nothing less than the best!