Hoping my marriage can be saved :(

[Maggie3]

H is here cutting the lawn. I put on perfume, left the sundress I wore to work on and put my hair back (he always asked me why I never wore my hair back because he liked it that way). I am being friendly- ish. He makes it so hard though. He is so cold to me and I just don't get it. Fine- cheat, leave me, whatever but don't treat me like I'm the bad guy.

He came in and asked to use my laptop to look some thing up about a tree. He is convinced its dying even though an expert came and looked at it last year and said its not. I told him i needed to get some stuff off my computer first (this site was open!!) and he was getting annoyed by having to be near me an extra 30 seconds while I closed windows and I said "I have some things on there that are not your business anymore". I hope that was okay. I'm not good at being mysterious- I am an open book type.

I told him something I planned on doing with a flower bed outside- in hopes to make it easier for me to manage. He said "As long as you're doing the work I don't care what you do". Nice. So that brought me to discussing if I do stay in the house- will he continue to do the lawn? He said yes as long as I live here and he is part owner he will cut the lawn. I told him I wanted to get that and some other things in writing before making any decisions about whether to stay in and get roommates or not. He seems like he is really itching to get out of his mom's house and into an apartment- not that I can blame him. I told him I still need to think about whether I want to move back to the city or not and that we can discuss it after I'm done school.

I'm waiting for my friend to finish some stuff so I can go meet her for dinner/ drinks and leave while he is still here. I hate that it has to be so awkward. How can you go from loving someone to hating being in the same room as them? For others this seemed to happen over time but for him it was honestly all of a sudden over maybe 3 months tops.