Thanks, Brit and NG for stopping by. My H was diagnosed with BP almost 10 years ago but insists his emotions are just very "labile" and that he does not have it. LOL, having labile emotions is just what BP means. He won't take formal medication for it although he inappropriately takes ritalin when he feels like medicating himself and doesn't reliably take his thyroid medicine, both of which I think contribute to his moods. He seems to think that admitting to BP would admit some kind of failure on his part. But, actually failing in his life instead doesn't seem to bother him.
I'm doing a bit better on the DB stuff than in the beginning. I think that the passage of time has helped mostly and the fact that we live apart (he's back at his original house). Plus, the fact that what he says is such script and the fact that his life is just crumbling around him also help me see that it's not all been me. He is not really working and if he doesn't do something soon, he will likely end up in bankruptcy and there is nothing I can do about it. (Luckily, all of our debts and finances are separate so that wouldn't effect me.) So I am just watching as Rome burns, so to speak.
The only really big issues left for me are that I really love him more than I've ever loved anybody (except my two girls) and contemplating a divorce feels like absolute death to me for some reason. When he's not tormented with moods, he really is a wonderful man so giving up on the great parts of being with him is hard. Also, I have the ability to offer him work to keep him financially solvent but am not willing to do that while we are apart. I struggle with my duty towards him under the circumstances. But, he has made his own choices and I am respecting his free will.
We had planned a return trip to Paris in the summer and I still have the flat reservations so I think that I am going to go by myself and have some fun
Brit, your honesty and humor have repeatedly inspired me. Same with you NG.
