My Story So Far. Is this even worth saving?

[timbits]

Augh. H is going back to his bad anxiety attacks again. It's killing me to know he is in pain like this, but at the same time, I'm trying to give him space and not take on his illness. I just can't stop thinking about it. I guess it's not helping him, me worrying so much, but I just wish I could do something. I just want this to stop.

I think about where we were this time last year and it was so different. What the hell happened? Why did things change? I can't understand. We were happy. Well, at least I thought we were happy. I am just so sad about all of this. I never wanted any of this to happen. I know that it's partly my fault, but I wish I knew then so I could work on it. I never thought we'd get to this place.

I'm supposed to be going on a vacation with my Mom out west to see my sister in a few weeks, but all I keep worrying about is H hurting himself. His parents will be out of town, as well, which is normally a blessing, but now I'm just getting more and more worried. I almost feel like cancelling the trip, but my mom would be crushed. We're throwing a suprise wedding shower for my sister, I'm the maid of honour and I feel like I can't back out now.

I'm just so sad.
I wish this were a terrible nightmare.