Currently, I am acting as if I don't care what she's up to/we're done. I am also asking her to leave my house (to which she is not contributing financially or domestically at all) as soon as possible if separation is what she's decided on. But she won't go (says it's because it's "OUR" house, our son is there, and if she left, Immigration would find out and she would be forced to leave the country.).
I'd like to think she won't go because there's still some attachment to me, but I have a feeling it's more financial/logistical for her right now.
I haven't gone further to actually call Immigration and let them know our marriage has dissolved, as that would result in her immediate deportation, which means a 'parentectomy' for my young son that would be devastating to him. As such, I've not seriously threatened this either (other than let her know it is a possibility should I choose to do it; she signed an Immigration letter when we arrived in this country acknowledging she would leave if the marriage dissolved (as she's under my work permit)). I know with LRT, you have to be prepared to back it up and do it. So that's not my view of an appropriate LRT at the moment.
We are heading to our home country for a visit with family next week, and while we are there I have set up interviews with recruiters, etc. with a view to returning home in January. I have told her this, but I don't think she believes it to be true... thinks I'm bluffing, I guess.
It will become clear to her when I pack a suit and tie for the trip home tomorrow, I suppose.
In a way, I guess making plans to relocate back home with my son is my LRT. If I still had a functioning partnership with her, I might make some career sacrifices to stay for a couple more years as both she and my son love it here. But if I'm on my own, I'll need to advance my career for financial and self-fulfillment reasons.
For her, my getting a job back home will mean she too has to leave our current country of residence in January if she wants to be in my son's life. The question for her will then be (1) give up co-parenting of our son and stay where she is now; (2) return to our home country and set up her own household (which will be v. hard for her financially) or (3) recommit to our marriage and move back as a family (on agreed conditions that will help us rebuild trust).
At this point, it's looking like No. 2 will be the likely outcome, but I have no other options... I can't keep living here, away from friends and family, in this horrible limbo she's created. The tension in our household is too high... she's out partying/dating every night. Our son is constantly in tears saying "I miss mommy. Will she be home to say goodnight to me? Will she be home when I wake up in the morning?"
So that's my LRT. (And I'll be advising her family and mine of her crazy antics while we're home to prepare them for the events of January... our son will need all the love and support he can get from everyone, no matter what occurs.)
Any thoughts or words of wisdome or other perspective?
