In-Home Separation, One Year Point

[adinva]

I've never had a relationship with another person in my life that fulfilled me or completed me, or met all my needs, never expected to and don't expect to.

You might say that my interest in working things out with my H and having a good marriage is settling because I might find someone out there who I can be more fulfilled with. I don't look at it that way.

With counseling I've seen some shortcomings in H, emotionally, that will likely never change. Do I throw in the towel, become an active participant in the divorce, and tell my kids that we agreed that divorcing was the best thing for us so we could find more happiness elsewhere? I don't think so.

I believe all relationships are composed of imperfect people who need the skills and tools to make the best life together that they can. I'm still ready to do this with H, whole heartedly. I don't call that settling. I vowed 18 years ago to love and honor him till death do us part, not till I don't like how things are going. If/when he divorces me, I'll feel released from my vows but I don't yet feel or want to feel that way.

I think there would need to be a different way of looking at this if my presence was hurting h or damaging our kids, but in the past year I've learned to change my part in our dynamics and our home is pleasant. My h is no longer stressed out and miserable. I believe if we could change this much we can change more. If he can't get himself interested in working on the relationship it'll be hopeless, but we are in a process that takes time. Just because he has said before that he's not interested doesn't mean he can't change his mind. Every reconciliation on this board happened because someone changed their mind.

Thanks for prompting me to think through this more deeply, I hope my answers make sense.