strange new pattern that i'm seeing with h these last couple of weeks.
we still do stuff occasionally with my in-laws - mother's day dinner, mil's b'day at a restaurant and yesterday we were all at s's school for his school play and a potluck afterwards.
it seems as if h absolutely cannot look at me or talk to me when they are around. yesterday it became really clear, because they left the school before we did. it was like night and day - 2 mins after they left, he was talking to me, being friendly, taking care of business!! it was blatant to the point that when we sat down to eat, in-laws, s and i sat together and he was at the other table
i was cheerful, friendly , really quite indifferent in a genuine way - after all the reading on the mlc forums, i am getting detached enough that being around him seems to be bothering him, way more than it's bothering me.
anyone have any thoughts on this, or how to handle it?
fil, after what went down between us, is definitely looking at me as if he can't figure me out. i'm DB'ing with him - acting as if i'm fine - polite friendly as i've always been. he relaxed with me yesterday, i think he's finally realized that i'm not going to hold anything against him.
i guess this is a family post - but just journaling for myself.
SIL called me a last week to ask if she could come for s's b'day at the end of june. at first i was hesitant saying that i wasn't even sure we'd be here - that i may take son a trip (i was seriously playing with the idea of getting out of here to avoid completely and not have to deal with the party we usually have for him)
but after talking to s, and seeing how upset he was, i realized that i was thinking only of myself and my own pain, and not what he needs. so i told him we will go ahead and have the party we always do and let SIL know that it was great for her to come (frankly , i thought she should be asking h, not me...) the story about the party is a long one involving in-laws usual way of getting what they want, but you know, who cares - i'm so done resisting all that....
i think as i give up more and more resistance to all of this - and at least for me, it seems to be key for my own peace of mind - the whole situation becomes easier.
i feel as if i'm finally finding the "what works" for me scenario.
No resistance to anything that's going on + detachment +getting on with my own life, with not much thought for what they are all doing + letting go of the outcome
it's rainy and cool - yippee, i love cool - and i'm going to spend the morning working on my pics to put on line.
had my first interns visit with me yesterday - she's going to start next friday - so am psyched about that.
looking forward to the weekend and doing some activities with s - unfortunately our social life is within the community and h gets invited to all the parties we do. it's difficult for me to meet new people since i work at home - and so am trying to figure out ways to get around that. maybe i'll do a 180 and not go when he and s go and have plans to do something else - i actually don't care much to be in social situations with him - his presence really cramps my style these days with him acting all weird and uptight .
hope everyone has a wonderful day today
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
