The "Mind-Body"Affair. Here's the most dangerous one of all for the lovers' existing relationships. It's so powerful because it feels so complete -- emotionally, sexually, intellectually, spiritually. Matt and Ellen, who consulted me as a couple, met through a parents' function at their children's school. Right away, they felt a strong, mutual con-nection. "If I believed in reincarnation," Matt told me, "I would say that we were together in a former life. We feel like ‘soul-mates.'" "I never thought a relationship could feel like this," said Ellen.
The "mind-body" affair is highly threatening to a marriage because it feels so "right." Of course, the couple may try to end it or turn it into a "just-in-the-head" affair, but that rarely works. Of all the different affairs, I've found that this kind most frequently leads to divorce and remarriage. The upside is that the new relationship often proves to be the right match for the couple. Nevertheless, it generates all the mixed consequences that all affairs produce, especially when children are involved.
I constantly have a hard time seeing how H is ever going to be able to walk away from his A. Part of me thinks that I should just file because I am really holding on to nothing. How is it ok for a person to offer up the feelings of wanting to reconcile but then continue to "date" OW? Basically telling me "could you just wait a little longer while I figure this out?" This literally could go on for months. Do I have it in me to last another couple months? I really don't know anymore.
This has really affected my self-esteem and my self-worth, and ending it could quite possibly be my jumping off point to a whole new me. The independent me.
I worry so much that H may choose to R and then go back to being on the fence again. Or choose to R and secretly go behind my back and sleep with OW. How does a M survive this? Their emotional connection is too much for me. The fact that he's still telling me that he thinks he's "in love" with her is really gut wrenching. If we're being honest, that feeling isn't going to change any time soon. It really could take years.
And it's not like the time they're spending together is really making things worse, it's like they're just becoming more and more close. I'm trying to be realistic here. I want so badly not to feel anything for him because I really feel like he doesn't deserve that from me anymore. You'd think after 9 months of this that I would be over it. What is wrong with me?
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
