I found out in April my W of 5 years was having an affair. I went through all the emotions, but the biggest was the feeling of abandonment.
She claimed that she needed time to think. We have three children (2, 4 and 13). I gave her the space I thought she needed. She decided she needed to get her own space so she could get away to think. We found her an apartment on what I thought was on the basis on a place where she could get away and think.
During this time, we started to "date" each other. When we were on these dates, this was the woman I married. However, when we were not together, she was with the OM. As good as it felt to spend time out with her, it hurt more when she went to him.
I thought the apartment would give her time to think. I was completely wrong. The OM basically moved in instantly. The rules on the apartment were that it was for her to think, the OM wasn't to be around our kids and the OM was not to live there. I agreed to assist her financially as long as these conditions were meant.
About a month after finding out about the OM, I told her I would not continue to "date" her. We were married and I would not share my wife. I said we should not talk until she had time to think and was no longer with the OM. After that talk, she has intensified her time with the OM where he is around my children, including spending the night with them.
I was going to file for Divorce the other day but decided I wanted to give it a couple of months. I wanted this time so I could know I gave it time. I wanted to be able to tell my children when they got older that mom and dad tried to make it work. I wanted this time in hopes she would finally think about what was happening.
I am going to have a talk with her outlining the rules to our separation as I feel it hasn't been defined. I will inform her of the need to establish separate bank accounts so we each know how much money we will have. I will also inform her that I have set a date where I will file if we are not working on our marriage.
I feel she is going through a MLC. All she wants to do is go out. She has her mom watch the kids on her visitation days so she can go out with the OM for the entire day.
I can't go on like this and I can't be the only one wanting to work on the marriage. Is a two month deadline too short? She has been with the OM for 6 months, been in her apartment for 1 month.
