I don't believe in sweeping things under the rug either especially when it comes to anger over a EA or abandonment by your spouse during a very difficult and emotional time of your life.
It has to be dealt with and yes, when we are talking about an EA or a PA the issues that led the person down that path have to be discussed. The conditions that led to the A have to be addressed. And the anger has to be dealt with as well.
But behind anger is fear, and sadness and pain. I assume May is dealing with these emotions in IC and MC.
Expressing anger is necessary too but it's all in the way that it is expressed. There is a big difference between saying, "You hurt me deeply and stole my sense of safety and because of that I am very angry. But I love you and I am trying to work through it." And just venting or saying, "You ruined my life, you &#%@%%$&%*&!"
I don't believe anyone is saying May shouldn't be angry or express that anger (at least I am not).
After an A, I've read there is an anger period. It usually hits between 6-9 months into piecing. And it's the worst stage and it can last for months. Recovery is like dealing with a death. The stages are the same. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Getting stuck in one stage is not healing but moving into the next stage is not ignoring the problem.
