Grrrrr JKS, if I were in your shoes I'd be very angry and frustrated.

You are pursuing him under the belief that you can convince H to end this affair, when in fact, only he can decide to do that on his own.

He's feeding you little scraps, little bits of hope, that keep you on the line. He reels you in and then pushes you back away. That works well for him, he has the best of both worlds -- OM to live with and you to take him back any time he wants.

He will keep that cycle going as long as you let him.

How do you break it? You make him wonder if you have moved on. You make it apparent that you no longer *need* him. You're willing to engage with him, but you don't need him. When he sees that, he'll really start to hurt.

Read the post that Brit made to CV on her thread, it might be on page 10, a long post from the perspective of a WAS -- read particularly about what her H did after she left and the impact that had on her.

I think you'll find that instructive.

I really would like for you to stop initiating or engaging in R talks with H completely. This will not unwind on your schedule, and all you're doing is giving yourself whiplash, bouncing between hope and despair.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015