Yes truegritter knows the socratic method, that much is certain!
The love I feel for my W is up to me. But how many individuals love their spouses unconditionally? I think I love my children unconditionally but that kind of love is very different. The way I see it I have to some how tease out the true feelings I have for my W from what is expected of us as a married couple. I mean Western society looks at a married couple as a stable reproductive unit, which is dependent on sex. Unless both spouses agree that they will seek additonal sexual partners, i.e. open marriage...acquiring a lover without such a mutual agreement, is in my mind, a breach of "contract". I think I still love my W...but I don't know if I can ever trust her again. Would I not be a fool if I trusted her again without a full apology and a promise that she would never do such a thing again? I guess I'm angry that she had a PA while I was working so hard on addressing her grievances. I would still be mad if she had a PA and I wasn't trying...but I guess I'd understand. May be I'm more confused as to why she did it when I was trying so hard to fix the marriage. I just don't understand her behavior and that is why I'm angry/frustrated? Perhaps the separation will be like a reboot and after a time we might slowly get back together. But how can there ever be a relationship again without trust? In my current state would I even recognize acts of love (versus her just attempting to attenuate her guilt, for example)? Geez truegritter - your questions have just spawned more questions...may be that is the point of the socratic method?
