Needing some guidance... 3

[jks]

I am really trying to keep an open mind but also stay grounded knowing that I have a lot of great qualities to offer someone and if H really can't appreciate that, it now is his loss, not mine.

Moving from one R to another is rarely a good idea.

Do you feel you're ready?

Is that going to make you feel better about yourself?

Did you read the co-dependency book?

No, I don't feel I'm completely ready. When I don't have interaction with H for a long time, however, I do start to somewhat forget the intensity of my feelings for him. Talking with him last night reminded me very much why I've been going through what I've been going through.

The date I went on was not for me to necessarily move on because I was in no way attracted to this guy. It's just that after so long I have forgotten what it feels like to be appreciated by someone. He made me realize a lot about myself. I did feel for a long time that I didn't even know how to act around people anymore. That I didn't believe in myself. The date proved otherwise. More than anything it was just a reminder that I have great qualities and someone out there will appreciate them whether H does or not.

I think all too often as mothers and wives, we lose ourselves. Life starts to revolve around our kids and our H's and the person that we once were, disappears. Responsibility of everyday life takes over and everything else falls by the wayside. This very much happened to me and quickly had me falling into a depression which then led to me not being able to function with household responsibilities and sometimes socially. It wasn't how I envisioned life should be. Yes, I wanted a family but, sadly, day in and day out my life felt meaningless.

These were things that were very much my fault. And I'm still trying to figure out how to balance it all and stop the negative thoughts. Having the date reminded me of the girl I once was. Nothing more, nothing less.

I didn't want to continue to stay in my R with my H just because of the fact that I feared that no one else would love me or appreciate me. Well, I know now that that is completely untrue. I'm now staying in it because I know I have wonderful qualities to bring to the table and I am someone worth keeping. I am the mother of his children and the bond between us is undeniable. He knows this.

So, verab, I now have no idea what my boundaries are regarding him continuing on with his R with OW. This is THE MOST messed up situation ever!! I continually have no answers or direction. Which tells me I just have to keep on with what I've been doing. I guess, eventually I may crack and I'll know when things are over. But for now, it's not so clear.