this rocky path WILL smooth out

[zig]

so i need a little encouragement and support here. one of the things i've been fearing deeply has come up and i have to work through it and come out good on the other side.

during the movement disorder, one of the worst things we had to deal with were my dental problems. I just about exhausted every local dentist and was finally sent to a special care center, because it was so difficult for them to work with my teeth. the spasms caused a lot of strain on my teeth and therefore there was a lot of dental work that needed to be done.

i've not had to deal with any of that for about a year and a half - but now the last couple of days my wisdom tooth has decided to make it's presence felt in horrible ways - it was supposed to have been removed , but was left because the issues were so complicated.

h went through all of that with me - they have to practically anesthetize me to do any dental work - and even then the oral surgeon comes out of there looking like HE was put through the wringer - completely freaked out by my body.

now this morning i am faced with probably having to go through one of those ordeals without h and i am feeling very emotional and downright scared. i know for the last 10 months i have WILLED myself to not even think about that stuff- just telling myself that i can deal with it all alone.

i know my friends can help me get there and back home and i can leave s with h.

i am finding myself thinking - well, this is the next step - to really test and know that i can do everything without h.

i'm sort of a bit mad at myself for even thinking that i need him right now - it's not that i need him literally - it's that when things were really bad, he was the only one i trusted to be with me - and the sad thing was that it put a lot of pressure on him.

so i'm just crying here, and telling myself that now when i am better it won't be the same as before and not such an ordeal, and i'm just worrying unnecessarily in advance. that i'm ready to find out how to do these kinds of things on my own. that this is here to deal with now and not 3 months ago, because i am ready to deal with it.

just had to let it out here, because the mere mention of it to the family or even my friends is going to freak everyone out, because they know what used to happen before.

so , maybe a few "toughen up, zig" responses are what i need to hear right now!!

thanks
zig