Wife says it's to far gone

[shockeddad]

Our MC did have us both read DB, we both have read others books. I think she has her blinders and mind set that she has not taken anything she read to heart. She does not know I'm reading DR. I told her a few weeks ago that everything I have tried has blown up in my face. She said this whole thing has blown up in her face. I don't think things are going how she planned. Her family is behind me, I think she thought I would be okay with it, and I would put up a fight to keep her.

[shockeddad]

Is it wrong for your mind to wonder about if she does leave, about whoyou might be interested in? I would give anything for my wife to come back, feels bad to think about what if.

[horsewnoname]

Yeah it sounds like she is having a PA...but there isn't anything you can do about that except GAL and stop pursuing her. Read the chapter in DR about infidelity it was helpful for me (my wife had a PA, perhaps several).
I took down the pictures of me and my W throughout the house and I took off the wedding ring. But that was more of my way to just let go and start over (you need to do what is best for you...don't worry what your W might think or anybody else). I guess that is the point of separation to reflect about what went wrong, give her space, and GAL. GALing will save you, if not your marriage.

[shockeddad]

Did I backstep by taking her off the credit card and taking money out of the bank?

[MrBond]

Well it sounds like you did it to punish her whereas in the case of the food stamps, your W talked to you about it first before doing anything.

[shockeddad]

She has not used the credit card in months, she has not done anything with the bank accounts in months also. I was just afraid that since she spent all the food stamps without asking me that she might take money without asking or start charging things. Just don't want to get screwed. Need the money for bills.

[shockeddad]

She really didn't ask to talk about it, she said this is what we are doing and this going to be how it is.

[MrBond]

Then whatever move you make you tell her how it's going to be. You be the assertive one.

[shockeddad]

Think I did the right thing. I called W to tell her that I closed the credit card. I said I was just giving you a courtsy call to let you know I closed the card. Didn't want you to get in a bind using it or try to use it. She said it was okay since she hadn't used it in a while. Asked how the kids were, she said good. Told her have a nice day, she said you too. Then bye, she said bye to. Did it all in a nice voice and think it was the right thing to do.

[shockeddad]

My Goals:

1. Work on giving her space and time. Detach
2. Only talk to her about the kids and let her start any conversation.
3. In happy mood, tell her Hi and Bye when I see her, even say have a good week, day, night, what ever.
4. Wash the haouse and work on the yard to stay busy.
5. See if the church has support group and try to get more envalved with my church.
6. Call friends to do more things.
7. Be the best dad I can and make my kids happy and want to see me.
8. Make new friends
9. Relaxe more. maybe yoga.
10. Let her make all moves
11. Keep going to counseling by myself.
12. New hobbies
13. Spend more time with other family members