just thinking.....I remembered an issue with his ex GF where she FLIPPED out on him after we were married. It's a long complicated story and I remember at the time thinking she was controlling and crazy and because things weren't going her way she wasn't happy. I told him fine, we'll do it her way, rather than involve his parents just to get it done and move on that was the most important thing.

Looking back, she wanted him to do it and take responsibility not his parents. I didn't get why it was such a big deal to her as long it got done. But now I see she was so angry and resentful that he was going to have someone else solve his problems rather than doing it himself.

GB:
I think he's trying on old patterns because ours didn't work. He told me she reminded him of someone he'd been infatuated with before we met. Someone who is quite the opposite of me.(of course I hung out with this girl once after we started dating and he loved that I was more glamorous and quick witted and it cracked him up when she tried to be snide with me and I'd put her in her place) He'd joked that he needed to find someone who was just dumb and happy. I imagine, so he could be emotionally unavailable. He told me after he'd started seeing her that he didn't think he would/could ever love again.

So I think he's doing the old thing someone who is financially stable so he doesn't have to be. Someone who doesn't give him butterflies or intimidates him, but is interesting and logical rather than fun and pretty. He thinks this can make him happy and maybe he won't lose himself in this one. Maybe he's right, maybe it won't payoff and he'll decide he wants to learn to be emotionally available even if it means risking being hurt.

I used to worry that even if he decided these things he'd be too proud or too laid back to ever approach me with thoughts of piecing. Well I've decided that I don't want him if he does that. I also don't want someone who drifts. or someone who wants things: independence, confidence, a better job, a pay raise, financial indpendence from his family and doesn't go after them.


GB I remember a time that really solidified our relationship. He basically stood up for me in a difficult situation. In a sitch that I didn't even expect him to. (there's me feeling unworthy) I'd never heard him so angry, never heard him talk that way. I loved him so much that day. I knew he would never ever let me down. But my insecurities got the best of me and down the road I felt like he would leave me or worse be unhappy and just stay in the garage. I told him that...you would have just stayed in the garage and he said you're right.