Brit I think you are hitting it out of the ballpark. First I'll comment on your H. You mentioned you used to play mind games with him, and he'd just say things to make you happy. Yep total beta nice guy. That's where I was. W could talk me out of my favorite dish out of a restaurant. Some books believe that weird mind games like this are subconcious test from women to see if their men are still tough. Remember what my friend told me. "I want a man that can stand up to me, because he can stand up for me." Sounds like your husband routinely failed these, which led you to lose attraction. Him not putting you in your place for cheating on him probably made you lose even more respect for him. Which seemed to further solidify your WAW status.
Once you left he had no choice but to be the Alpha male again. As you mentioned you liked the independence. So did the other GF. Here's what gets me though is that IMHO for a recovering nice guy he is moving way too fast with this girl. So he's not asserting his independence, he is looking for someone else to become dependent to.
Reminds me of my brother in law. He was engaged 2 times before the first third one finally stuck. The lasted a little over 2 years, and all chances or reconciliation disappeared when his WAW found he had made a dating profile within days of her leaving. Then less than a year after his divorce he is engaged again.
On paper he is Mr Right, great career, huge house, not terrible looking, and always the center of attention at family gatherings, the oldest cousin held up for others to live up to.
My W describes him as self absorbed, selfish, and cold and distant. I think he's an overachiever looking for validation from others who throws temper when he feels he doesn't get the praise or attention he deserves.
Long story short less than a year after his divorce, and two broken engagements he seems to be once again looking for that woman to validate him and fill his void. Clearly he is not independent. I see your H doing much of the same. I think a guy in his sitch is possibly justified in exploring his options, but shacking up with another woman this soon shows that he is merely seeking a band aid, and may find himself with a new WAW somewhere down the line.
If that's the case Brit you may be dodging a bullet, by not ending up with him, and he is doing himself a disservice.
I think the best way to judge this is if he keeps plowing through this new relationship. If they get engaged in the next 9 to 12 months, I'd consider moving on as he clearly is looking for a substitute not a W.
Just my 2 cents, I really do hope your husband finds true independence, and is not just throwing up smoke signals until he finds another woman(or you) to grow dependent on.
