When it's a one-way street...part 5

[zig]

sweetheart, i think what KD is trying to say is that you may have changed your behavior, but you haven't changed your feelings.

if your feelings don't change, then the behavior is false in a way. what your h perceives from you are your feelings.

from the conversation that you posted a bit earlier, it sounded to me as if your h is really holding back - he's scared of being hurt, not sure where you are really at. he can SENSE your anger and resentment, and he's not sure where he stands with you because of that. it sounded to me like he was asking YOU how can we get the warmth and connection back - he's looking to you to pave the way. you stayed silent and walked away, not engaging with him further - and lost your opportunity to let him know what you thought the 2 of you could do to achieve that.

maybe you are not ready, and that's okay

KD is right - you sound as if you want to win this battle - and as long as you are in the battling mode, you cannot get what you want from your h.

if indeed you are the WAS, then i imagine it is your role here to show him that you mean well and want to work really hard on the relationship (i could be wrong here, so if i am , anyone feel free to correct me)

the fact that you asked him if he's noticed the changes in you? i'm really confused - i thought that was what the LBS asks - maybe i'm wrong.

KD isn't trying to be funny - the way your words sound - when i'm reading them, seem to imply heavily that your h is doing the snoring almost on purpose to piss you off - and that implies heavy resentment on your part.

could you make a list for yourself of what you find really difficult to live with with your h and then very calmly sit down with him and sincerely ask him what the two of you could do together to make things better for both of you? will he go to C with you?

i hope that you can find some peace in all this - i think that you are in a very difficult place inside yourself and confused about how things should go

take care

zig