I asked him the question, what has changed about me since we got married. Here's how it went.
H - "I feel like you don't like/love me anymore. I realize I've failed a thousand times over. I'm working on that." "Are you heading to bed?" CV - "No, I need to take a shower." H - "I realize life is not all fun and games. I feel like we're missing the warmth. How to instill that again is the big question." (He gets up to leave his office, so I backed out of the doorway and got out of his way and headed to go downstairs and stopped.) CV - "That was your answer right, I'm not cutting you off?" H - "Yea, sure, why, what do you think?" CV - "Nothing, I said I wouldn't comment in any way, just your thoughts." H - "Yea, sure, that's fine for now. I'll put some more thought to it."
This is all really interesting, CV. I mean that with the utmost sincerity.
Your post about the movies above makes perfect sense to me.
I really do understand and appreciate that you do not like someone snoring in the room when you are trying to watch a movie.
And Accuray suggesting boundaries and consequences is a great suggestion.
What OT's intentions were for her post, I completely believe her intentions were good and suspect she was looking for some introspection on your part as opposed to being judgemental. Of course, I'm not OT so I have no idea. Just my take.
Also, interesting about your H's response. I'm going to take a moment to digest that...
Zig... you may have missed the post where CV said that she "loved" her H... she just didn't like him...
CV - i got it real clear that you don't like him - but you didn't answer my questions - what are you doing and what is your real position.
Really, all this because I don't get the value in having someone in the room while you're sleeping, and thus my choosing to leave? I don't choose to leave S during his movie, he's awake
no, CV, and this IS definitely said in a gentle tone:
could this be his way of very tentatively asking for your reassurance? you've done a sixes on him and it's affected his self esteem big time
"all this" because you're not getting what we are trying to say, or ask you.
WAS's awfulize their LBS's - and it seems to me that you are awfulizing this whole movie/sleeping/snoring thing big time. I've watched my WAS literally grab for every tiny little incident to use as fuel for his anger toward me.
and i'm saying that you have a huge amount of anger -and what are YOU going to do about it? until your anger and resentment dissolve, nothing good can move forward between you two.
seriously , what's your point here? to stay with him and have a good relationship, or to leave? and while you're deciding, because i'm sure that is a really hard decision for you, and i mean that well, are you just going to continue to be mean? (and in case it wasn't clear: doing things like waking someone up to "scare the crap out of them" is mean)
i guess that i am a pretty blunt person and not as kind and polite as KD and others here.
once again, i hope that you can begin to see our point. we all do mean well
thanks zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
I could walk into the room on my tiptoes and not breathing, and H would wake up like I scared the cr@p out of him. When I wake him, I'm not being vicious. At worst, I'm responding because I'm annoyed. At best, I'm waking him up so he'll stop snoring. Men pester and it's all in good fun. I do it and I'm being mean. I used to do it because I really did want him to watch it with me, but he would just fall asleep again so I've given up. Now, all I want is to be able to watch my movie where he's not snoring.
There was one "but he," and it was indicating that I adjusted my behavior to accommodate his unchanged behavior. I would think that would be a good thing.
