This might be last chance??

[2thepoint]

1702 - see my post inside of the comment block. My comments are in red font. Be sure to scroll all the way through for additional comments that are buried within the comment block.

I am at a very difficult place with the next days coming up. I am trying to convince my wife to attend a personal session with Michele under the assumption that I am doing this to move on with my life, when, in reality, I want her to have an awakening and work on and save our marriage. My wife is completely on the fence whether to go or not. She says she doesn't think it is a good idea because making a trip with her will only hurt me more.

Do you see that by "trying to convince..." that you are actually driving her further away? It is great that you "want her to have an awakening" but that will not happen as long as you try to force the issue. So you really need to back off, a lot!!!!

My other issues are that I am supposed to consult with a lawyer this week because she told me over three weeks ago that she was having D papers drawn up for me to sign. When I told her that I would not sign anything to signify ending our marriage, she told me her supposed lawyer said there was no sense writing anything up if I wasn't going to sign anyways.

If you don't want to D then don't do anything to facilitate the process. Sit tight and let your W do all the work. You may find that she is full of bravado and not ready herself to pull the trigger. The gift of time is just that, a gift. And you can buy yourself time by pulling way back and stopping the pursuit.

When my W first dropped the bomb she was ready to accelerate the process because she was "DONE". Yet here I am 8 months later and although I feel like I am in limbo land, I'm not divorced and although we are still estranged, we at least get along considerably better than immediately following the bomb.

I am convinced that had I continued to pursue, we'd be well on our way towards a D. So use this information as a frame of reference for your own sitch.

I feel that I am definitely at the LRT stage, and am hoping my DB coach will help tomorrow. I want to make sure to remain close enough to have the personal sessions with Michele still and option, but I don't want to seem too pushy.

I'm glad you have a sessions scheduled. I'm sure it will go well. Make a list of topics you want to cover and be concise. You have limited time with the coach and it is important that you make efficient use of your time.

She seems relieved when she doesn't have to deal with any of this. Almost out of sight, out of mind!

Evidence ^^^ that she needs space. Stop the pursuit and give her the space she needs. With time, she may settle down some and you will have a chance to work on those all important 180's.

BTW, what 180's are you working on?

Other issue is that even though we are very similar financially, I am left with sleeping on couch at my mother's. Basically, the $$ i have put into the mortgage, remodeling projects, and typical house stuff won't be returned until she gets what she wants, that is signing the papers, which I have no idea if she really had drawn up.

You seem skeptical that your W is actually pursuing legal action. So why not live your life as if she hasn't and that you now have time, time, time to get your ducks in a row, (i.e. work on your changes/180's, get a life for yourself and give your W as much space as she needs, and then some).

I have alot going on this week and am so very hopeful I can get some kind of a break!

Plus I miss my daughter. I haven't seen her in two weeks and when I brought up about if I am ever going to see her again, she said probably not because it would only cause more pain, Mind you, she is my step daughter. This is the first time I have referred to her as that because, in actuality, she is my Daughter!

Why not work on some sort of visitation schedule so that you can have time with your D? Draw up something that you think is fair and present it to your W and see how she reacts. If she is not agreeable, ask her to draw up one herself or make changes. There is nothing wrong with asking. But do so with no expectations attached to the outcome this way you protect yourself emotionally.

You've got a long road ahead of you. If you play your cards right, you just might have a chance but it is important to know that there are no guarantees. So the best thing for you to do is to focus on YOU. Work on your changes and pull way back for your W. Give her plenty of space and get a life.

Keep posting and we'll be here to help you every step of the way.