this rocky path WILL smooth out

[zig]

forgot to write about a couple of small (big ) things that i have seen change in h in the last couple of days - he has "reported " both to me, quite proudly and i have been very enthusiastic and admired his effort - a genuine reaction, because i really wanted these things all along

They both have to do with s - h was a very passive father - a great dad - but when it came to enforcing rules or getting s to be responsible, he just couldn't get there.

now, he has s,suddenly, just in the past week or so, taking on small responsibilities at his home (during that good conversation we had last saturday, he did mention that he had been very lazy about s's up bringing)

i am so pleased - so pleased that he is really trying to be a better and better dad and really does have s's best interests at heart as much as he is able to right now

it was very frustrating for me over the years, to always have to make the decisions on my own, after begging h to participate and there would only be an 'i don't know" and then later i would be accused of controlling everything.

even these small steps that he is taking now - they are such a relief - and i do believe that the more h finds that he is able to do them, the more he will add on.

i'm finding it VERY interesting, how very LOOOOONG it takes for h to process info and then make the changes. this adding on of responsibilities at home was discussed with s's teacher last fall at a parent/teacher conference - and is finally being manifested now.

funnily enough - this week , i somehow sense (and s hasn't said it at all) that s doesn't really want to come back to my place on friday. i think he wants to stay with h - so he can go build the house with him everyday. i think i will let h know and offer that he can get s every afternoon after school if he likes .

i want to see the sitch changing so that we BOTH have access to son most of the time - that it is more relaxed and casual and not so rigid. i'm confident that i can get to that in the next few weeks - the more open and accepting i am, the more relaxed we all are.

and that is my only goal any longer. i want my family to be relaxed and happy, even if we are in the midst of this painful sitch, i want us to accept where we are and be okay with it. it's more important for me to have that than anything else, right now

okay enough babbling

hope everyone is doing well
zig