at my last IC session, we talked about 'letting go of the outcome" - and how it just was a better way to live. T talked about it in terms of parenting too - how you could do all the right things and your kid can still grow up and go askew. it really helped me a lot - i had just finished telling her that it seemed as if my last resistance had to do with s and how he was going to be affected by all of this.
the conversation allowed me to let go of that to a large extent (it has definitely been my subconscious pressure towards h) and allowed me to get to a new place of relaxing into the now.
i still have a long way to go in my healing, but today i found out - that i have , and have had all along a wonderful companion on my journey. i know that a lot of people on this board feel really strongly about leaving the in-laws completely alone, but mil and i are getting closer. we don't talk much anymore about the sitch, in the last few weeks - it's as if we don't need to, but she and i are so very close and getting closer all the time.
she is on her own path to healing, which we talked about today, and laughed together about how the two of us were working so well on our own inner stuff, that none of the others would be able to understand what hit them.
she and i are co-conspirators in "keeping the faith" for this entire family right now - fil, h sil and s. and i think our strength together is phenomenal. we are both letting go of the outcome, but making sure that we are both working on ourselves. I always sensed that h and my crisis would trigger one off in mil, and i am really happy to see that she is actively working on her own issues.
so that was a quiet happy moment of "i don't know what" but it's all part of what's unfolding.
today, a small 180 for me - going to a school potluck tomorrow and i just told h that he needed to make the dish that i didn't have time. he seemed quite happy to.
then a few mins ago i called to say goodnight to s but he was in the shower. h seemed a bit chatty and wanted to tell me all about the pasta salad that he had made up - and i said that was wonderful we talked a few mins more, but then i just said casually that get s to call me when he's out. i think he sounded a bit disappointed - but you know, it's too bad. i didn't want the conversation to go on and on, just to end it while it was really positive.
then when s called back they were already in bed - and i had one of the best giggling laughing conversations with s, who was pealing with laughter. i told him at the end that when he gets off the phone to turn to h and give him a really good juicy tickling session and make h giggle really hard. h needs a good hard laughing session to lighten up his soul, even for a few mins.
i hope very much that as i am writing this, that that is what they are doing.
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
