I very much appreciate the words. I have seen those words on several of your posts.(which means I already used that, I will continue) I have looked inward. I have been to counseling for 9 weeks. I saw another specialist last week. I am her number one fan. I have told her this thousands of times.(maybe it sounds as if I am trivializing which I really do not feel that way.) I would love to go to counseling and have a third party help in our dialogue. As far as not hugging. It was a 40 hour flight across the pacific. And quite frankly we never hug. We never hold hands. She is not a touchy person. I am the touchy one in the family. I am not very good at forums or texting. I am way better in person. I am a talker. This is why it sometimes feels like MLC. She is worried we are not going to be happy, the kids are leaving, and maybe life is passing her by. I will gladly hold her hug her, She never wanted that. IDK We start family counseling next week. I need to let this thing play allot longer. Divorce may not be the end for us. Like I said in first post she divorced me once. And another thing. It is absolutly not my fault if she wanted me to make decisions, She valued my insight very much. Our marriage was very much a paretnership. And yes she did feel this way, until one day she didnt.
As far as communication got shut down. We argued when we agreed. This wasn't all the time but it did occur. This is also why she is worried I will get more than my share. She doesn't understand. I would agree with her but she would get confused or did not understand then argue. I would say I am agreeing. There is a part in one of the Divorce books. The story of the father talking to the child, The kid keeps asking same question and dad gives s reply. Finally dad looks at wife and says I cant believe he asks the same question. She replies I cant believe you give the same answer. But frankly I have been listening to NUGGETS. That how far I have come. It is not shut down now, I get conversations and texts.
What I need to do is recognize the small conversations accept those, be patient, and move on.
You said your relationship seemed very casual. Yupp, Thats right. It was mayberry till it wasnt. She got her heart broken and now will say and do anything to be on her own. My specific question today was about the mixed messages. Last night she said for sure divorce. 5 minutes later yes maybe someday she will be home enjoying her tub.
I guess I got my answer. I will reread the post a few. Then I will do like I have been doing. Moving on with my life. Letting my childeren know I love them. And when my w wants to have dialogue try even harder to not ask for more than she is willing to give.
I have read allot of your rightings. I have several nuggets from you printed out. I used several of yours and others back when things were tough. Days are better now. Some days harder than others. Her and I talked quite a bit the last two days. I have learned. I do realize I push or ask to much. I really just need to let her play out this.
