So after 5 months of hard boundaries, ignoring calls, thinking and protecting myself.. I finally learned something...
... it wasn't about what worked for her, it was what worked for ME.
So NOW my new actions are what works for me with no expectations of wife or reconc.
I am nice because I want to be. I am firm because I want/need to be. I respect her because that's how I want to treat her. I set boundaries because I am worthy of respecting.
See the pattern - the spotlight is on me.. not her.
Originally Posted By: Accuray
I now understand that in order for my W to want to have sex, she needs quality time and conversation from me first. She doesn't derive connection directly from sex like I do, it needs to be built up in advance, in ways that she appreciates. I'm motivated to try to meet her needs in the relationship because it makes me feel good to do so. That's why I'm married to her.
Can someone reconcile these two posts please? They seem contradictory. Two LBS's, two completely different approaches to their WAW's.
I personally do not see them as being different or disparate...
Although, I will point out that Val's M is dead... Accuray is in piecing (ie. they are BOTH working on the M).
But the underlying aspect is, both Val AND Accuray are living the life THEY CHOOSE... as opposed to living their life under fear or guilt of their spouse...
I believe that the context of Accuray's point was the general belief that a woman needs emotional connection to desire sex whereas a man needs sex to become emotionally connected...
So in all fairness, the context is different therefore IMHO there is not really a fair connection between the two...
