I'm not sure if you're looking for advice so forgive me if you're just venting and feel free to ignore, but...
She is conflicted because she knows you're still waiting.
We are told to detach here on DB over and over. But truly, it's not an easy concept to grasp. Some people look at it as giving up. Some people think of it as manipulating the WAS and trying to trick them back into the marriage.
Detaching is not easy to do because it's hard not to let the people we love affect us so deeply. I get that. We're told to detach but it's hard to really do. So much harder than just typing the words "detach".
But it's key. Fake it before you make it, I think was the key for me.
Instinctively, I knew I had to detach from the outcome if I was going to be okay.
In many of our conversations about our sitch, my WAS has both directly and indirectly made it very clear that when he 'knew" he could lose me. Not just thought about it as a possibility but actually could feel me "leaving" in mind and spirit is exactly when he started coming back in mind and spirit.
Your wife knows you're still standing and that's amazing and powerful and strong and says so much about you as a man and a father. But she's a WAS right now and she doesn't see that as clearly as the rest of us can.
Let her go, jb. Don't remind her of good conversations or things she said. When you stop reminding her, trust me, she will remember the good things.
I recall reading that sometimes one spouse will overfuction in a marriage and that allows the other to underfunction. It clicked for me.
I'm in piecing and it's still really easy for me to take on the role of the "fixer" but I realize that for us to truly heal as a couple, my H needs to own his role and fix his own issues. Make sense?
