I think they gave him a work credit card. He also uses his iPad, laptop, and cell phone for extreme personal use. He had Zoosk Messenger downloaded on his work laptop. Not smart. Shortly afterward the laptop crashed. How convenient.
He didnt use to take advantage of the company. Not at all. This has been I. The last year or so. Kind of that "entitlement" attitude he has adopted toward everything and everyone. Narcassistic and selfish. I can't stand being around it. So I need to avoid it and him as much as Possible.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
He makes it seem to me that they regard him as some kind of hero around that place and that he has them eating out of the palm of his hand. Lately he is leaving a lot earlier than he normally would and hasnt been working after hours as much lately. It makes me concerned that he is going to get careless and lose his job. That will directly affect me and the kids. If he loses this job he will be in a world of hurt and he knows it.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
So H did not come home last night. He is running again. Nice.
Got an email from the banker this morning. The house will not appraise at what it needs to for H to refinance and get my name off the title. I know he will push to short sale this house which will ruin my credit and I won't be able to get another place. I don't know what to do. His decision is really screwing me and the kids. Is there any path out of this nightmare???
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Called a lawyer today because I want to protect myself from H's crazy antics and I want to do whatever I can to keep kids from OW. I am not concerned that she would harm them but it is not healthy and honestly I want to do whatever I can to break this cycle of dysfunction. H will be ticked if I get a temporary order set in place but I guess he needs to deal with reality. He made his bed now he can lie in it.
Beautiful day. Treated myself to ice cream for lunch now soaking up the sun watching D play soccer. S had an out of town soccer game so H took him to that. Very relaxed right now. Need to hang onto these zen moments.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
You seem to be in as good a place as you can. I totally agree to get a lawyer on board. I have always used the line with my H "I really didnt want to 'get a temporary order set' but that is what my L recommends and right now I need to trust him"
I try to avoid getting into debates with my H about things I need to do to protect my family. I stay sweet as pie.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Honestly I am better than I was. Far better. I feel stronger. More confident but I did break down this morning. After getting the email from the banker and having a bad morning at work I cried, wanted to jump off the roof and then pulled myself together. I was even able to be friendly and upbeat when H called earlier. I don't think he expected me to be nice after our conversation yesterday but I said my peace. He knows how I feel. If he continues to disrespect me and ignore my boundaries I will take action.
I am in control of myself and my destiny. Oh the power. Phenomenal cosmic power!!!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Called a lawyer today because I want to protect myself from H's crazy antics and I want to do whatever I can to keep kids from OW. I am not concerned that she would harm them but it is not healthy and honestly I want to do whatever I can to break this cycle of dysfunction. H will be ticked if I get a temporary order set in place but I guess he needs to deal with reality. He made his bed now he can lie in it.
Beautiful day. Treated myself to ice cream for lunch now soaking up the sun watching D play soccer. S had an out of town soccer game so H took him to that. Very relaxed right now. Need to hang onto these zen moments.
WH it sounds like you had a good day. I found speaking with an L or two to be very empowering. Just keep in mind that when DB'ing talks about detaching, it means not worrying about how your H will feel when you take an action. So, don't worry about him getting ticked about the temporary order. It's okay to acknowledge that this is how he may act but you cannot base your emotional wellbeing on his reactions to the order. Just stay in mama bear mode and protect your kids - that's what matters right now.
Oh I am in mama bear mode all right. I just do not know what H is capable of at this point.
I am really irritated that he cannot spend a weekend alone with his kids without being with OW. We live near a big city. There is plenty to do. Zoos, picnics , state parks, baseball games, camping. Every weekend I spend alone with the kids. Why can't he do the same?
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I am really irritated that he cannot spend a weekend alone with his kids without being with OW. We live near a big city. There is plenty to do. Zoos, picnics , state parks, baseball games, camping. Every weekend I spend alone with the kids. Why can't he do the same?
Because he's in a state of feeling like OW is everything to him. I know that may hurt to hear, but it's true. You have to relate it to when you were first in love and the emotions that you were going through. You wanted to spend every waking moment with that person. Not to say that your H is "in love" but the infatuation is obviously there. They are blinded by this infatuation and the way they feel around this person and don't realize that the feelings will change and reality will set in. They always do and it always does.
I hate that adultery is even legal. I've said this before, but I think it is absolutely insane the amount of anguish it imposes on a family. I feel it is worse than death. Because at least with death you have closure. An affair can be ongoing for who knows how long and the betrayal is heart wrenching.
I feel for you and I know exactly how you feel when it comes to protecting your kids from OW. The situation isn't stable for them and your H has no idea if the R with her is going to last or not. So to expose them to that prematurely can most definitely hurt and confuse them. Do what you need to protect them.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
