CV, take a good look at the process that Brit went through to get where she is now.
I was very interested in her sitch, asked her what turned it around for her. Unfortunately the answer was sort of vague, just that he changed his attitude and she thought she was going to lose him. I was hoping for something more specific. I've actually posted on the WAS forum hoping to get more insight into others' successes.
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Please stop focusing on all the cr@p that your H is dishing "on" you... because that is only your perception...
It is your perception that has you stuck...
A lot of what I see still, is circular conversation that comes back to what your H did TO you...
Hmmm, thinking, but not getting how to talk about a R without talking about the other person, too. I spend a lot of time in my posts commenting about myself, any moreso and I WOULD sound completely narcissistic. Would it help if I only used "I" statements? Wouldn't think so, so I'm not getting what you're looking for. Would it work to tell you I don't want to watch a movie with H without telling you why? Or that I'm not having sex with him but not telling you why? In that case, the 180 would be "H wants more sex, start having sex with him." It would make him happy, but then I would be right back where I was before. If I just tell you that I don't want to have sex with H, then "I" am the problem, and the solution is to somehow warp myself into liking one-sided, humiliating sex. If you've got that recipe, I'm at least willing to listen, just out of curiosity if nothing else.
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Change the game so that he not only wants to continue to be with you... but would climb mountains and cross seas to stay with you...
I don't think you're that person he would do those things for...
sadly... I don't think you WANT to be...
because in your mind... you still didn't do anything wrong...
I did lots of things wrong, I could give you a list (think I already have.) Correcting those things now (me doing a 180) is actually making matters worse. Like sex -- accepting his lack of attention for all the years I did was wrong on my part. Correcting that and refusing to do so anymore is a problem. Not for me, for him. How does that make me the person he "would climb mountains and cross seas to stay with?" It doesn't. Another -- I over-invested in his children. I tried to connect and have a close relationship with them. That set off their mother and all hell broke loose. Now, I purposely have a distant relationship with them, cordial and polite but not invested. H has a problem with this. Does this make him want to climb a mountain for me? Don't think so. If I need to go back to being the person I used to be, then you're right, I don't want to be.
