Jumping in. I'm gonna admit that I didn't read your whole thread from the past few pages I think I got a jist of it.
Have you read How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking about It? That book really helped me see a few things.
You do sound really upset with your H. Do you like him? Not love him, but do you like him as a person. What is it that you like about him? Can you make a list? Vera said what you think about expands. Perhaps you should make a list of everything you love/like about H. Think about these things.
At the end of my M, H was so used to nothing every being right or good enough he stopped trying. I stopped expecting. All we did was get trapped in this cycle where we really didn't like each other.
Nit picking and being critical isn't going to change his behaviour change how you react and see if that doesn't change something. If you don't think you can treat him with compassion, love, kindess then that needs to change. You need to figure out why you can't find any kindness and it can't include "Because He..." It will be about you.
