Oldtimer, I'll hang on to the WAS title for now. It still means something to me, or at least I still do see a distinction. Probably not worth discussing.
As to the M/F aspects, I believe that thinking that M and W are the same is dangerous, as evidenced by Accuray's posts regarding the specifics. I agree that it is more important to regard people as people and that people are simply different, I also think that can be done while still recognizing that there are some distinct gender differences.
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You VERY DEEPLY resent H's failure to adequately treat his sleep apnea.
I think you missed it somewhere along the way -- H does have a cpap and wears it pretty religiously now. It's the only reason I've agreed to sleep in the same bed. There were issues initially with his snoring and neglect toward doing anything about it, but my problem has always been with his self-prioritization in regards to anything that's uncomfortable for me, not the cpap itself.
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You punish H for his sleep apnea by withdrawing.
Accuray described this as a healthy boundary. I'm curious as to your different opinion?
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My H falls asleep watching movies too. But I LIKE him just to BE WITH ME on the couch. Simply BEING together and SHARING experiences are deep and profound ways of building intimacy.
Again, in all of these experiences you've described, you are conscious when you're experiencing them. H is not.
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Try saying this: "Yes, I am pissed as hell at H and resent him so much that there isn't much of anything he can do that doesn't tick me off. I'm constantly critical of him because of my pain, but I'm skilled enough with my criticism that I can deny it without skipping a beat. I'm hurt and lonely. Damn him for not being there. Damn him for not treating the sleep apnea. F him and anything he wants. He doesn't deserve anything he wants, he's a spoiled selfish brat who can't even take care of himself like an adult. No way I can want, love, or respect a guy like that." GET REAL WITH YOURSELF.
Did I ever imply that I'm not hurt? Of course, I'm angry at times and not others, but I thought everyone knew that anger was just a manifestation of fear or pain? I'm sure I haven't said that here, but I have used pretty close to those exact words with my BFF at times. Sure, it's a nice vent, and then I feel better and I'm not angry anymore, but what exactly does it accomplish besides? Beyond that? -- some you're right, some you're wrong, but we'll just have to agree to disagree on that. Ironically, your posts to me always seem to come across as angry, so maybe it's just something in the way the two of us communicate. But I can deal if you can?
