WHG: Looking for the shrinking cake

[workinghardguy]

CT... I know, I can't find a good answer the meets all the goals I'd like to meet unfortunately. I've thought through all the options and weighed them over and over. There are pros and cons in each direction.

I've considered having the kids stay here. But that makes three houses they stay at during the week. That's no life for a ten year old.

I've considered cutting ties and going the babysitter route. But I only have them one, maybe two night a week now. A babysitter makes that zero. Then I won't see SS and SD except for once or twice a month if I'm lucky. Or the only times I will get to see them is when W wants "relief" from having them all... that's worse than it is now where I see them on my own terms. I am not willing to do that.

It's not that I'm not aware that the current arrangement makes me too accessible. I just don't see another option where I can live with myself. Can I just cut her off? Walk away? Sure. But then I walk away from two kids who I love. So it's a deadman's gambit.

I realize I am choosing accessibility and access to SS and SD over going completely dark. I recognize it's probably "bad DBing". But my W has already sacrificed the wellness and relationships of the kids for her own needs. I'm not willing to offer them up as sacrifices too. If it means I hurt more, hurt longer, or don't heal as fast... that's a conscious choice I'm making for the sake of having an R with them. If it means W and I don't get back together, that's something I have to live with too. Since there are not guarantees in this I then can only control my own actions. I can control whether I see and spend time with SS and SD.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder if I'm screwing all this up by keeping contact like this. And there isn't a day I wonder if I just walked away what the hole in my chest would be like, because I already know how big it is when I have to say goodbye to my SD and say things like "see you in a week young lady".

W texted me this morning that SS is failing Language. She missed an email from his teacher two weeks ago. She doesn't know what to do or how to handle it. I asked a simple question, "when are you meeting with his teacher". The reply? She hadn't thought of that. I left her to her devices to figure out how to solve this. I don't really have that role since I'm the part-part-part time dad. She texted me later wondering if I could walk S to school if she dropped him off so that she could meet with SS's teacher this morning before she went to work. Originally she asked if I could meet with SS's teacher because she had to go to work. I told her that she needs to.. I'm not in a role where that's appropriate anymore. She complained that she might be late for work. Yes, you might be.

I did ask her once she figured it out to let me know if I can help SS and if there are consequences what they are so I can implement them too. When she called me to update me she lamented that she just doesn't understand how this can happen. He was getting good grades first half of the school year and now he just stops doing homework and stops trying. Yeah... I just can't figure out what's so different... and where or where did he learn to just give up on things? Obviously I didn't say those things.. there's no point, but I guess she thought this was all going to go so smoothly. Kids have a funny way of putting bumps in the road.