Very hard to believe there are two of them, I completely agree.
He was here this morning when I got back from dropping S15 at school. We gave S18 his tickets and he went back to bed for a bit. STBX asked if we could talk for a minute. Oh boy, not enough coffee yet.
We were discussing visitation and upcoming events, trying to decide how to handle graduation, etc.
I asked him if we can switch weekends so that I can have the boys for my birthday. He agreed and I said "great thanks, so you will have them the following weekend"
He then brought up how difficult it is for him, to leave here after his weekend, etc. I had to swallow hard to keep from laughing. I said "well if that is true, it is very disappointing that you left so early on Sunday when you had a full day to spend one on one with S15"
He actually said "I did that for you. I figured you wanted to come home" HA!!
I was angry at this point, and said "oh no, you will not point this at me and use me a scapegoat. I never said I wanted to come home and was quite comfortable relaxing on the boat. I had to rush to get home when I found out that you left him here"
He is despicable, and truly believes his own lies.
I said "look, I leave every other weekend for the kids. It is very uncomfortable for me but best for them"
He rolled his eyes and said "so is leaving permanently"
The thing that irritates me is that he is here, and the kids are not. There is no reason for him to be here at all if the kids are not even here.
I realized I am beating my head against the wall now, and will discuss all of this with the L today
And just as I hit send here, I got this reply from him. I am fuming: ----- Honestly I am a little upset at how it ended up. I’ve tried to put my feelings last and make sure the kids can still see their friends, and also be conscious of inconveniencing you. I think I’ve proved that again today by giving up your b-day weekend.
I really thought we discussed that if the bed hadn’t arrived by 12:00 I might as well not come back because it didn’t make sense to come back for 2 hours when I had been there since Friday. They called me at 12:30, after I returned the tux, and arrived at 2:00. By the time the bed was installed and made it was nearly 2:30 and it didn’t make sense to come back for 3 hours. And yes, at that point I was at Ernie’s alone and had a horrible day. Maybe I should have not worried about your convenience and come back until 6:00– I think you are right.
You may have to leave every other weekend – I’ve left my entire life behind every day. There’s no comparison.
You two are at the high point of the emotional/angry time in this process.
He has not owned/accepted/admitted his contribution to the marital breakdown, and is pissed because you won't accept a continued life w/him. In all honesty, he probably is having a hard time accepting his own contribution to the situation.
So. He's still in the "How could you?" stage, when he feels he'd not done enough wrong to justify your filing for divorce...
It's going to be ugly for awhile. You are the mean wife who literally threw him out w/out justification. And, he realizes... You're not kidding. This is real.
Couple all this w/his alcohol and "other" issues, plus his wife's new resolve.
Yep. Pissy man ...!!!
This will not get much better until a lot is settled legally. Buckle up. Nothing will be good enough for him
He's been done wrong.
I would try not to deal w/him face to face re: visitation, kids, money... Email and/or txt.
When you are in person, polite for your kids sake.
I know it's hard to forgive someone continuously hurting you, and not being remorseful... Still working on it here!!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
You two are at the high point of the emotional/angry time in this process.
He has not owned/accepted/admitted his contribution to the marital breakdown, and is pissed because you won't accept a continued life w/him. In all honesty, he probably is having a hard time accepting his own contribution to the situation.
So. He's still in the "How could you?" stage, when he feels he'd not done enough wrong to justify your filing for divorce...
It's going to be ugly for awhile. You are the mean wife who literally threw him out w/out justification. And, he realizes... You're not kidding. This is real.
Couple all this w/his alcohol and "other" issues, plus his wife's new resolve.
Yep. Pissy man ...!!!
This will not get much better until a lot is settled legally. Buckle up. Nothing will be good enough for him
He's been done wrong.
I would try not to deal w/him face to face re: visitation, kids, money... Email and/or txt.
When you are in person, polite for your kids sake.
I know it's hard to forgive someone continuously hurting you, and not being remorseful... Still working on it here!!!
This is all stone-cold TRUE, and WISDOM. ^^^^
Autumn, this IS the worst point. There was a point, I assume, in your past where the marriage was good. And there will be a point, most likely, in your future where your husband will at least own his own primary contribution to what he did here. Until that happens, however, you are in the GROSSEST PART of the whole process.
As Mindfull says, try to keep it all to in writing, and -- if necessary -- you may want to even think about using an intermediary. Because your husband is going to suck the life out of you in the weeks ahead, until he hits bottom and owns this.
Give some thought to the intermediary idea, Autumn. Think about your stress, and that lump in your throat and that burning in your gut: how much of it is the ACTUALITY of what is going on, and how much of it is just your DAILY INTERACTIONS with that actuality? namely, with HIM?
