Thank you Grace and Vera. I really want to be a better person for me. I have never said those things. I only talk to two people about H and I'n not as honest as I am here.
I don't feel panicky or anxious about tomorrow when I'll see him when he picks up S. I don't want to sabotage the friendly terms we have now. He says he's my best friend but I don't think we're on friend terms when we're this hurt. When I said I accepted those things I think I truly have. I have accepted that we may not be together. I have accepted that has moved on. I have to make sure that I'll be together and my emotional state the past 24 hours shows I have a ways to go. I am (oddly) excited about healing these things that I think I've done in all my relationships. I'm not going to concentrate just on problems with him but try to see what I've done large scale.
I did some googling and read a quote that said the relationship you have with yourself lasts a lifetime. I really want to like me, be proud of me, respect me. How can I expect anyone to ever do that if I don't?
