WAW learning to be a passenger

[breakdownbill]

Hi Brit

I've been following your threads since you started posting here, but I've held back on saying anything because you were getting so much good advice from the vets.

Now I know your sitch is different from mine, but I can see some similarities & being a LBH I can kind of relate to your H's side of things. My W had an emotional affair, which led to a physical affair, she denies sleeping with him, but she may well have done. To complicate things this OM is her dance partner, who she still dances with every Friday night.

Now with your sitch, you initiated the separation because you'd had enough, your H although may have been unhappy also, was not self aware of his unhappiness. When you slept with a CW, you not only cheated on him, you hurt his pride further through who you did it with.

I can tell you from my own experience the thought of your W, with another man, changes the way you see them (it did for me- anyway). ML for men is largely what brings us closer to women emotionally, it's a closeness, a connection an expression of how a couple feel about each other. It's special.

Now when you were in WAW mode, he would have literally went through the mill, felt worse than he ever did, been so vulnerable, every action you took then, would have hurt him & it would have took a lot for him to get back on his feet. He's scared of going through that again Brit.

You have to tell yourself that the R you had with your H as it was is over. You ended it, he moved on & now you regret your decision. The real hard work starts now & to be fair, you've already started working hard on yourself. But forget about the old R with your H that is gone, if you guys get back together it will be a new R, with dating, building it up from the bottom.

I know you're really down at the moment and you've also had to hear a lot of harsh things on here over the past few days, but I know you are strong enough to deal with it, overcome these issues & be that Brit that you want to be. Just take it slowly, smaller steps and keep posting.

Bill