I didn't see it coming part 2

[breakdownbill]

Hey thanks Yankee

I think in general I'm just so much more self aware about how my actions and interactions impact others (especially my W), that I've been paying attention to what works & of the desired outcomes of these actions / interactions.

I don't feel like I've got any anxiety about a timeline or a desire to be told where I stand if we have an R talk, I just feel at peace with myself right now.

I'm really happy at how I've just owned my grief and relationship issues alongside the stress of finishing a degree. Nothing is forced, it's just natural, I've changed and I really like who I am now, but I'm not going to become complacent and will keep on growing.

A few weeks ago I was taking in my IC session about how this upcoming holiday is going to be make or break / decide some things. Whereas now, I'm just looking forward to this holiday & can't wait to see my kids happy little faces in the theme parks. If stuff happens between me & my W or we discuss our R - then we do. It's not on my agenda, I'm giving my W as much time and space as she needs. When she's ready to discuss anything, I'll still be ready.

I feel that me and my W are getting closer emotionally, these past couple of weeks, which is great and I can really sense a genuine warmth again when she's in the house. Not necessarily always towards me, but the way she is with the kids again. It feels like we are a family again, although we are a long way of being a couple, it does feel nice being a family again.

I think that's one of the most important things I've learned since the bomb and my journey, just how much family (my W & kids) means to me.

I'm still chipping away at me, gotta long way to go, but I'm happy with how things are going. I still hope for getting back together with my W, but I certainly don't expect it in anyway. As long as I keep doing my best and be open to the possibility of a R, then I'll be able to hold my head up, knowing I gave it my best shot.

Bill