Needing some guidance... 3

[jks]

First off, is there any reason why your L told you not to get a job? Does he expect you to be dependent on your H even though he left? Doesn't sound right.

Because if H files and if I have a job, the child support that he'll be ordered to pay would be less. He told me to continue with my photography business but don't pursue any other kind of work for the time being. So I am still running my business and I do make something, just not a ton right now. I mostly want to save the money I'm making right now for emergencies that may arise... i.e. having to pay for a L if necessary.

On Sunday when H came to pick up the kids he did mention that our flex spending acct for our health insurance was going to be reloaded with a certain amount in July. And also that next January he will be getting a 14% raise at work. I mention this because he almost talks like I will still be in his future. Because these are things you tell your WIFE.

If he was planning on ending things with me then he wouldn't even bother letting me know of these things because 1) I wouldn't be on his health insurance anymore and 2) why would he want to have to pay me more in child support and offer up that information about the raise? Just some observations...

I sort of went on a date tonight. Not what you think, though, people. I was very up front with this guy about my situation and that I was not looking for a R right now. He said he felt the same way because he couldn't imagine having an insta-family right now. He just moved here from New Mexico and was looking for friends in the area. I am not attracted to him at all, but we both love photography and, if anything, its nice to just go out and do something.

He very much made me feel good about myself. I was very open to him about what's going on in my situation and he was happy to listen and give feedback. He doesn't understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. He believes that the trust between me and H has totally been broken and how can that ever be repaired?? I wonder this myself sometimes. But I just have to have faith that whatever is supposed to happen will happen. My heart tells me I still love him and I'm not ready to let go.

But I definitely can see how someone else can appreciate me now. This is my road to detaching. It very much made me feel like my H is a fool for leaving me. And that is the absolute truth. Sorry if its not true to DB. But it definitely gets my mind off of wallowing. I'm sick of wallowing.

I had a good night...