Honest, I'm not attacking you. Neither is Bond. The cross posting is a great way to lead to miscommunication, and upsettidness... is that a word? It should be.
The important thing? We own our faults...God I have a bunch. Not as much as I used too.
Alot of new people don't or don't want too. Owning them? Gives you a better chance at making ammends.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Some of them I knew were accurate...and I fixed those. Others? not so much...but because she precieved them to be issues? I had to take them as issues and address them.
Her perception made them my problem to deal with.
So made Fault is the wrong word...
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I know that I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be emotionally unavailable I want to trust I don't want to put my partner thru tests I don't want to be afraid of being vulnerable (this always having to have my way) I don't want to sabotage or be self destructive. I want to respect him and myself.
I've spent the last 10 hours feeling like I've been put thru the wringer. The past 5 I've been crying on and off. Ugly cry. Feeling defeated hopeless worthless and horrible. The other time I've uneasy or panicky around him.
Brit, how he feels today might not be how he will feel in the future. Back in December, my H told me it was over and there was no going back. He said I had pushed him to far and he would not change his mind. It's been five, long months of going forward, going backwards.
Now we are talking about our interactions with each other, how to communicate better, acceptance of our differences, etc. I feel very hopeful. He just called me to talk about some business we have together but, more importantly, about him, his kids, my grandkids. Would not have happened even a month ago. Hang in there. Keep doing things to make yourself better and happier. Situations do change.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I think one of the biggest fears your H has is: how does he know (for sure) that you're not going to run again? I know that's probably a big fear for him now.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Woke up this morning. Cried some more. Thought a lot about what everyone has said here.
I look at my actions and I'm not proud for several reasons. But I think many of us can say that here. Rarely anything done during the break up of a marriage in the heat of emotion is done in a way that you can look back and hold your head up. My H did it as best he could and he certainly did it.
He held it all in. Did nothing. Said nothing. He did that way before we split up which led to him resenting me, being cold, impatient, distant sometimes outright nasty but in a P/A way and me acting out to get any reaction from him.
I've stopped coping with alcohol and male attention. I've started to take a look at my faults/issues. I don't want to be the person I was in the M, or how I dealt with the problems, or how I acted in the split.
I don't want to ever burden him with my regret, hurt, shame, confusion, sadness, or unrequited love. He kept saying this isn't fair and I think this is what he meant. I get it. It's mine. All those things listed above are mine. I have to deal with them. None of them are his fault anymore than the entire breakdown of our marriage was his fault. We both played a part.
I truly honestly don't know anymore if there will be a chance for us. I have thought so for the past few months. But now...I'm not so sure. He is swiftly advancing his new relationship, he believes there are things he won't get past with us, he doesn't recognize anything he did wrong just that we didn't work. He remembers more of the bad than the good. I think I need to accept that.
