My H has never worn his wedding ring...outside of maybe the first six months of our marriage. He always said it was due to his work (he's in construction) that there is a risk that a tool could get caught on the ring and he'd end up losing his finger. I did notice that plenty of other guys in his line of work, even co-workers who were married wore *their* rings.
Anyway, its only been two weeks since he's left. I too, have been contemplating whether or not to take my ring off...mostly because in these two weeks, he's repeatedly said he wants to divorce. I feel like by wearing my ring, its showing my commitment to wanting to try to work things out. But then I struggle with what a previous poster said about not wanting to look desperate...like I'm holding on to something that I shouldn't be. It's a murky situation at best.
I say, wear the ring if it *feels* right to do so...in your heart. Like someone already posted, if you take it off, it should not be because you are wanting to see the reaction it creates for your spouse. I was totally thinking about what "message" it would send my H if I took it off and then finally I concluded that right now, I'm not ready to take it off so it stays on. Its not about what he would think, but about what feels right for me right now.
Some excellent advice in this thread about doing the work to be a better person...using this time to really focus on yourself, OP. Its not about controlling the situation, having the upper hand, getting the WAS to react. Its about looking at ourselves and what we need to do in order to grow from this. I've learned a lot reading through the feedback here myself.
Stay strong...as hard and confusing as this all is, you can only be responsible for what you do and say right now. It makes sense then, to do productive and healthy things.
M-40 H-39 M- 12 years T- 20 years Separation: 5-8-12; H says he wants to pursue divorce
