Forward, My feelings toward ex come and go. The more distance I have from him the more I see his flaws and lack of common sense. I am beginning to think I just need to stop even having small chit chat with him when he initiates it. It does not help.
So on a more funny note. Ex sent my 7 year old to school in her soccor cleats. The school called me regarding this. ..... Not sure what to make of this and I am not even going to try to guess.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting - I have reached the stage at which I wonder about the point of casual contact. My xh sent me birthday greetings - I haven't seen him in nearly two years, except briefly in Court over a year ago]. I replied, thanking him for his greetings, but saying I could not see the point of continued contact. But that if we were to have contact it needed to be open and honest. I got a reply back saying HOW MUCH he wanted to be in contact.
At this point I replied that this was fine, but that I needed to be able to be honest about how I had thought and felt over the past few years.
Clearly the time for DBing is long past, and I do not want to rekindle any romance, even if this were possible. [He is either with OW2 or back with OW1 - I neither know nor care much] But I would like to have some contact that is honest with the father of my adult children. We may well have weddings, grandparenting and so forth, and to be able to honest rather than coolly polite would be good.
It will be on my terms now though, or not at all. I have spent nearly 7 years with him trying to call all the shots, and I stopped playing his 'game'. It isn't a matter of wimming or losing but of behaving like adults who once shared a life that was important to me, at least, if not to him.
If my xh cannot acknowledge that, there is no point in any contact, nor any need for it. Your sitch is different as you have younger children in common, but the less contact the better unless they decide to grow up. Unlikely though in the case of most MLCers!!
I so appreciate what you wrote and shared. I am getting to the point you are at. What kind of quality relationship can we have with contact from them. There really is none to little acknowledgement of the pain and confusion they have caused everyone. Everything is on their terms and timing. It just is such a game and i don't think I can play anymore.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, The pace at which your X might--MIGHT--progress will be very slow. There are many years of life to live.
We have been in this now for over 5 years. That is a significant chunk of life.
I can say that a new R has showed me what I was missing. I found myself thinking today that I feel cherished. Not disposable.
I might be able to forgive X, but this feeling of being an annoying, disposable person to him is one that I would have a very, very hard time getting past.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
