I'm motivated to try to meet her needs in the relationship because it makes me feel good to do so. That's why I'm married to her.
She understands that a sex life is important to me, so she agrees to provide one because she appreciates how much I value it. Because I have dealt with her unmet needs and relieved her resentments, it's easier for her to do.
This is all I'm saying, you're just saying it much better than I am. It's the motivation to serve/please, not to just sit back and expect.
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When that happens, you have three choices -- (1) be perpetually unhappy, (2) adjust your expectations to be in line with what you CAN get, or (3) leave. Unfortunately there is no (4) change your spouse to meet your needs, as you well know.
I see my sitch as a twist on 1,2,and 3 ie (5) choose the lesser of two evils -- be unhappy with being M'd or be unhappy being D'd, because there is a very definite downside to D as well, as mentioned in my post above.
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You should spend some time reading/researching about narcissism.
I have. It's very depressing to read because it all points to the fact that he probably is one. That's sort of like reading up on your recent diagnosis of terminal cancer. Not real encouraging. Plus, if that's true, then I really do need to give up on anything being better, because narcissism isn't curable based upon what I've read.
