(((((LEE)))))) Wecome back!!! You sound wonderful!
I am sorry to hear that H fell apart without you, but now you know that is something you have to work on!
It is so great to hear that the love for your H is back and strong as ever!!! Keep up the great work--you are an inspiration!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
I recently bought Marriage breakthrough video and Keep Love Alive audio from Michelle. I hope to go through them and set up my new goals again. The content is very similar than DR. But presented in different form. I hope I can some new inspirations from those videos and audios.
You have found my thread. So I don't need to answer your question. Your H's depression seems to have lift off. So he woke up and is back to you. My W is more complicated. We have been married for nearly 22 years. During this time, we did not learn how to resolve conflicts. Now it is time to face it. But with MLC, my W is very scared of facing future, which I can't understand. It seems illogical, but it is real. She is scared of our kids moving out. She seems to be unhappy with everything. And I am the nearest to her to be blamed. I used to blame myself to cause her unhappiness. But talking to many of you in this BB and reading a lot of R books, I finally come to the conclusion that she is suffering MLC. The problem is that my W is the only one who can fix her unhappiness. Nobody else can. She tried to have an EA with her coworker (the om). But she now realises that it will not help her to be happier. It made her life more complicated.
I am still trying to find ways to help my W. Try to find positive buttons to push and avoid negative buttons. But I am strong enough mentally to go through this crisis.
Since you were my first respondant to my first post, you'll always have a special place in my heart. I'm so happy things are working well for you and hope you can feel comfortable enough one day to call yourself a a certified DB success story. Enjoy life.
Hey Lee! Just stopping by to say hello! Hope all is well and that you are having a great weekend!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
Well i'm feeling mighty pissed right now. H is totally giving me the sh!ts! Mostly things are fine, but i'm just getting sick and tired of some of his antics.
Mostly, after a lot of searching we finally got him into a really great treatment program. They did the assessment, and then he was supposed to arange to have his counselling started, well it has been at least 4 weeks since he got the assessment results and as yet he hasn't organised the C stuff AAAHHHHH!!!! I am getting frustrated. His excuse the only time i asked him about it was that the doc hadn't rang him! Oh and that he is so busy in his new job etc, etc. Are his arms broke? NO, so what's stopping him from calling up the doc and setting things in motion.
Taking charge of his treatment and showing committment to getting well is one of my non negoiatables for him being at home.
The next thing that is really, really bothering me is..... Each evening the first thing he does when he gets home is have a beer. It is almost like he can't go without having a drink. Now i know that having one or two beers isn't a prob in itself, but it's every night and it doesn't show me much committment to his Fing treatment. After all alcohol is a bloody depressant!!!
He has also been putting me down around other people. He thinks that it is funny almost like he can't think of anything else to say, so he makes me into a joke.
I just get frustrated and i don't want to have to say anything to him...... He is the one who begged me to give him a chance, he is the one who accepted my conditions and yet he isn't doing the things that he said he would.
I promised myself that i would give him until June to get himself sorted and show me that he is worth me........I expected ups and downs........ but it shows me he just isn't committed.
Sigh, patience, patience, patience........i need to have more!!!
Sorry guys....i'm in a really bad mood and i'm worried that i'll break my keyboard if i don't take a breather......
Quote: He has also been putting me down around other people. He thinks that it is funny almost like he can't think of anything else to say, so he makes me into a joke.
I had a dose of that last weekend, after a period of H being nice to me, so it was horrible and caught me off balance. But it turns out he has quite a lot on his mind and in his plate, so it is best just left.
Maybe we should take the "looking on this as a science experiment" approach, while we just keep our input the same, dbing like mad and not rising to the bait?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I know you've been through a lot and don't want to push too hard now that H is home, but are you allowing your "non-negotiables" to slide and setting yourself up for a harder job later? Do you think YOU could push him out the door if he is not truly committed to his recovery? Are you sufficiently detached that you could allow him to leave if he doesn't want to meet your minimum standards for continuing the M?
You know your sitch far better than me, but it seems like H is getting too comfortable without putting in the hard work undeniably necessary to move forward. I don't want to see you hurt too much again. Best regards,
IMHO, you may need to remind your H about what he promised. He maybe get too comfortable and forgot what he promised.
Quote: _________________________________
I just get frustrated and i don't want to have to say anything to him...... He is the one who begged me to give him a chance, he is the one who accepted my conditions and yet he isn't doing the things that he said he would. _________________________________________________
Don't expect he can read your mind. Tell him what you expect from him again. Similarly about putting you down in front of other people, he may do it unintentionally. Tell him that you are uncomfortable with what he did.
Hey Lee! Sorry to hear your frustration....but, I am glad you came here to vent rather than "lose it" with H!
I think you got some good advcie. What do you want from this and how can you give H feedback on his behavior so that you are not feeling so frustrated?
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
