/\/\/\ Scaredsilly, I agree with all of the above, but it's a little "50,000 foot" if you know what I mean. It's like telling someone to eat healthy and exercise, without them ever understanding how to do that, or thinking they already are because they don't know any different. Plus, a healthy format will look different for everyone. Maybe their problem has nothing to do with eating healthy and exercise, and everything to do with environment.
I think the problem is that I've done everything you've suggested, for years. My standards are so low that, frankly, I don't even expect him to be faithful. Or honest. Or even offer basic courtesy and respect. So I am the WAS. I completely get that I'm a square peg in a round hole on this forum, knew that from the beginning, since it's primarily LBS'ers. But on the other hand, it's absolutely ideal for me to be here. If I was an alcoholic and wanted to quit drinking, I wouldn't hang out with a bunch of drinkers. If I wanted to know what effect my drinking had on my family, I wouldn't ask the drinkers; I would as the drinkers' families. So the LBS'ers should be ideal for getting some insight into my H.
For instance, I've read on here that many LBS'ers complain that they had no idea, that their WAS's just dropped a bomb and left, that if only they had said something sooner things would have gone differently. Well it should have been helpful insight, but instead I just get criticized by H for bringing up the "D" word. Next.
I have other sights that I can go to if I want people to tell me to "dump the a-hole." I want to know what I'm supposed to do to save my M as someone with bags packed and one foot out the door. I would love for people here to talk to me as if I'm the WAS (I am!) Much of the advice, like yours, is offered as if I'm the LBS. It's about as effective on me as it would be on your WAS.
I think perhaps I just need coping skills for living with my H, something like what is offered through al-anon. That or just go completely dark again. I seem to do best when I just think like a roommate and not try to improve things or understand him. I suspect that's what a lot of your WAS's are thinking -- it just seems impossible to reconcile and easy to walk away, while being told to lower expectations of the W/H (when oftentimes the OW/OM exceeds them!)
