My Story So Far. Is this even worth saving?

[timbits]

I really feel good after that support group last night. The facilitator said something that really stuck with me. She said that she finds that when she looks at pictures of herself from that time period, she feels detatched from the little girl she sees in the pictures. I feel this way, too, like it isn't really me. She said she has a picture of herself at the time the abuse started and when she is feeling badly (not taking care of herself because she's not worth it), she says, "This little girl is innocent and sweet and deserves someone to take care of her. Since no one else will, I will take care of her". It really stuck with me.

I looked at a picture of when I was a toddler (before the abuse) and feel like that little girl does deserve to be cared for, to eat nutritious food, to exercise, to be healthy. So it's been easier for me today to keep that in mind, to be mindful of my decisions and choices.

I have also decided to lay of drinking for a while. I have a liver disease that is unrelated to drinking (or any infection, like hepatitis a, b or c), but is certainly affected by drinking. I don't really drink a lot, but had too much to drink on Saturday night. My liver and spleen are pretty swollen today and sore, so I know that my body is angry at me for this. No more wine for a while!

I also have a doctor's appointment next week. I plan on getting all of my bloodwork done. I've been acting like an ostrich, putting my head in the sand, but I know that my liver enzymes need to be monitored. I'm also going to say something to my family doctor about the last appointment H had when I wasw there and she was really hard on him. Honestly, I was petrified that he'd hurt himself and while I can appreciate that she was making him responsible for his actions and his illness, it really wasn't the right time. I was terrified and really needed someone to say that everything would be OK. I'm not angry at her any more, but it certainly kept me away from her when I can use all of the support I can get.

Still going to the gym this week. I planned on going on Thursday night, but might just go tonight.