Ok, well I have a little more time. H and i have had a good week. Started out a little shakie but got better as the week went on. We had a bunch of friends over last night, and had a really busy week with work and yesterday, so i asked H if he would get the house ready for visitor, including putting his stuff away. When i got home on friday, he had done all that and more.
I was getting ready for a shower and i noticed a ring box on the bedside table, it was the one that he put his wedding ring in and it was empty. After my shower i checked out his left hand and sure enough he was wearing it. I didn't say anything and didn't make a fuss about it at all.
Yesterday morning i just said thankyou to him. He asked me why and i told him that i was thankful for all the things he had done around the house and also that i noticed that he was wearing his ring (I told him that i would remember to tell him when he was doing things right). And that was all i said.
We have been going along quite well. H is talking about the future and spending time with me and just being content. I know the is still a long way to go, but i'm optimistic about the future. I think wonder was right, in that i'm dbing by just looking at what i'm doing and trying to watch for more of the same behaviour.
Just so you all know, i might not be around much for the next 5 weeks. I'm going away with work and internet access many not be that great. I have put in to place some goals for while i'm away, so hopefully H and i will continue to move in the right direction.
Fingers crossed, this sort of thing has always been difficult for H, but at least he has some company, as my sister and her so are living here at the mom.
Lee ~ Ditto to what Wonder said.....what are your goals??
AWESOME story about the wedding band--you handled it so well!!!
We will miss you!!! (((((LEE)))))
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
I am back from 1 month holiday. During my vacation, I re-read the book of "5 love languages". It is very refreshing.
In your sitch, maybe your H's love language is act of service. He is doing all the domestic stuff to show love to you. But your love language is different. So you don't feel loved by him. Maybe you need to analyse yourself what your H should do to make you feel loved, and tell him about it. And vice versa. It is just my 2 cents.
Hi all, especially Raindeer long time no see!! I hope your holiday was good and that you moved closer to your goals.
You all asked about my goals so here they are:
1. Give up smoking: New place, good chance to break a bad habit.This would be a 180! Progress on this one not so good! To much drinking by far!
2. Continue with fitness training: Go for a run/walk each morning. Go to gym 3 nights a week This will also help with goal 1. I will drink more water and less coffee! I'm doing this one with ease, its really only my normal rountine anyway.
3.H and i will continue to grow close: I will ring him every other day and ask open questions to promote conversation between us. I will limit work talk (H complains that i talk about work alot) I will take notice of articles etc that H might be interested in as a conversation piece. H will call me just to chat and see how i am. H will txt/phone to say goodnight. I will not hound H about 'doing' things at home, i will trust that he will do them. Well, we have spoken every day this week infact he expects it. As far as conversing though, still not as good as i would like. The thing is that i ask h alot of open q's and it's not really working. Need to try something new here.
Any hoo, i'm enjoying my course and having a blast! It is giving me time to see where i want this to go. H is really irriating me. The first day i was away, he rings me telling me how miserable he is etc and really trying to make me feel guilty for being here and not at home. It makes me cross that H trys to make me responsible for his happiness. He didn't give two hoots about me and how i was when he moved 2000km away. At least i ring him and maintain a care of him! I'm really flip floping about weather i want this to work between us or not. Each has its pro's and con's. I guess i've lost so much respect for my H and now with his winey, moaning attitude it is just making me want out of it all the more. Sounds wierd, i know! He blames all and sundry for why he isn't where he wants to be in life. Right now i just don't see the man i married and i know that this new man isn't the one i want.
Sorry, this has just turn into a big vent session! Just having one of those down moments, they pass.
Raindeer, acts of service is one of my love langs. He knows this and its why he is making such an effort. Right now i think my taker is in full command and its hard to rain that impulse in. I guess i have been giving for so long, and then when he was living away i had to look after me, that i want him to have to work for me and pursue me etc.
Thats not going to happen!
Any way, i may go to dinner, I'm going to try posting cards to H while i'm away, something new might work to bring us closer.
I am glad you and H are talking every day. I just read a post by James John in piecing called "teething" and it helped me understand my H's mindset a little better. Check it out--I think it may help you too!
Remember, you can only control your own behavior, not his. BUT, you can control your reactions to his behavior!!! Make sense??!
Now on another note...tell me how warm it is "down under"...we are having such a cold winter and I can't wait 'til its over!!!!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
Yes my holiday was good. Now I am still adjusting back to work environment.
Getting away from your H may be good for you. When he moved to Cairn, I think he was not thinking to hurt you, but more to find himself. He suffered depression. Now he is back. He wanted to show you his love by doing a lot of act of service. I hope "your taker" will ease a bit a encourage his good act of service. That will reinforce his will to continue doing it.
I am glad that you have control in your hand now. Use it wisely.
Well i haven't posted in a while, but i thought you'd be interested to know that i finally heard those three little words!! Yes it's offical, my WAH has told me that he loves me!!
On Friday night i was going out with all the ones from work. H insisted that i call him when i get home, no matter how late it was. Normally i don't do this, i get to emotional after a few and i haven't called H after a night out for at least 6 months. On friday i did.
We had a really go chat, even though i was a little pissed! During the convo, H professed his love. I talked about my fears you see, in a way that i haven't since he came home and he responded very positivly.
I thought it just might have been because it was late and H only said it because i was upset, but on saturday morning he rang to see how i was and he told me that he meant what he said and that he really did love me. On saturday night, during the nightly check in we finished our convo and he didn't say that he loved my, which i was all right with (no expectations), but then he rang back and left me a voice mail telling me that he forgot to tell me ILY, which i thought was really sweet and returned with a text.
Since friday, it's almost as if he has had a revelation and he has been saying ILY at almost every opportunity!
We seem to be heading in the right direction and now i just have to keep the postivie changes going. Why then? I'm not sure, but i think that the time apart has help to show him what he is missing. I also took JJ's advice and sent him a postcard and he really liked that (I'm sending him another one this week!).
I just wanted to share this with you all, he has said that he would like to start MC when i get home, though he said that he believed it was more to find a way for me to learn to trust him, but that he would do anything to help me with that.
We are doing OK. I'm rereading DB while i'm here and it has helped me to see why i want things to work.
nik 
