Wow. Sounds like things are really moving along... and all the feelings are coming up.
You do have to detach a bit from their drama. But I think you ARE DBing right now... you're looking at what you're doing and thinking about what works and doesn't work. Obviously, you know from my sitch that my H and I previously tried to rush back into "normalcy" -- and things came apart. I was not on this BB then... wish I had been.
I can tell you what worked and did not work for me if you want some things to try or to avoid: tiptoeing around his behavior (the eggshell effect) did not work, not asking him to own his own choices did not work (I think you handled the movie thing well, telling you afterwards only creates problems), demanding or expecting he meet my vision of an R that I hadn't shared with him yet did not work. Listening to him did work. Keeping my own schedule up did work. And reminding myself every day that his moods are not about me did work.
One thing I think is critical, yet really hard to do, is to keep remembering that not only do they need to own their choices ... they need to own what they are feeling... and this means that where there are at isn't really about us... it's about them. And every time we try to make it about us, it backfires.
I think you're doing fine... I think this piecing thing does take time... on both sides. (there, now I've answered the question in my own thread!)
