Well it's been a while. I have been very busy with work and home!
I have decided to move over into piecing, but I'll stick to this thread for a while.
H has been home for almost 2 weeks now. Things have been strained at times, but i'm appling 'I'd rather be happy than right' approach and this seems to be having a positive impact on the stich. On saturday night, H and i had our first date night. He asked to go the the movies and dinner. Dinner was nice, for the most part. During the meal H took 2 phone calls. The first didn't bother me, he said that he was sorry for taking it and he keep it short, but the fact that he took a second really bothered me and i found myself making snippy comments about his time in brissy, to which he got defensive and made his own snippy comments back. This put a abit of a downer on the evening, but we went to the movie and had a good laugh.
When we got home, H laid straigth into me about the fact that he had just watched a movie that he hadn't really wanted to see. I was quite taken aback at the venomance of his attack. When i asked him why he agreed to see it, he said that it was because he knew that i would like it and that now i was getting what i asked him for, which was that he be truthful with me. It would have been better if he had of been truthful with me in the first place and just said that he wanted to see something else! I told him that after the fact is too late and that i appreiated him seeing that movie with me, but that he chose to watch it and so now he must own that decision, i didn't make him see it. It made me very cross and totally spoiled the good night we had. At one stage he said that he didn't know what he was doing and home and i told him that sometimes i wonder that myself.
So had a bit of a backslide, but dusted myself of and got back on the horse! Sunday i encouraged him to go out and meet with some of his friends and we had a plesant evening together.
There are some good things, but some bad things. Bad: I don't know how to apply DBing with him at home. It seems that just having him here is prompting me to do 'more of the same' type of stuff.
He doesn't seem to realise the seriousness of what he has done and accordingly seems to think, and has said, that i have no reason not to trust him, and that it is my problem and therefore it is something that i need to get over and not his problem at all.
He is very invalidating of me and can be quite disrespectful (he said very loudly that i was deaf, dumb and stupid and when i calmly asked him not to call me names he said that he had a right to critise me!). Made me very, very cross!
He said that if his time in brissy had of been successful, then if he had come home at all, he would have lived else where, dated me and others. Yet another thing that makes me question his motives.
Good: Says that he is happier being at home than not.
Ironed my uniform for me, has made me coffee's and such things.
Asked me to go out with him
And right now i can't think of anything else.
I'm sick of all the R talk and it seems to me that he wants me to give and give and give, without him having to give a single thing! He even told me that i would have to pursue him, but yet what is he doing. He left, not me and he wanted to come home, i didn't ask him to!! I just don't know what to do.
My 'vision' of how it would be hasn't quite happened, not that i really expected it too, but i know that he needs to pursue me and make me feel that he wants me, cause right now i just feel that i'm conveniate for him and nothing else. There are plenty more fish in the sea and i think that i deserve someone who will love me as i love them, for who i am and appreciate what they have got.
I know that this has turned into a bit of a venting session, but i swear i'm going to explode at him the next time he makes mention of how good brissy is to live as compared to here in melbourne, WHF!!! I didn't ask him to come he, so he needs to give it up and embrace where he is now and get on with doing the things that he said he would!
Can someone please give me some direction at how to aplly DBing when they come home? I could sure use it.
