Well, here's a quick update. H has now been 'home' for 4 days. It has been different, to say the least.
We have talked alot and H keeps saying how much he needs me and that things just don't feel right without me.
I get the impression that H doesn't realise the seriousness of his actions. The fact that he walked out on me, and has had very little contact with me in the last three months doesn't seem to have any meaning to him. It's almost like he has decided that all will be well, and so he wants to forget about this whole episode and pretend that it never happened.
during on talk, I told H that i wanted us to be individuals first and then a couple. That he needed to get his own life, interests and hobbies and do things apart from me. I told him that i would still be carrying on with my life as is, for the moment, but that i would invite him to do things with me and make time for us to do things together.
To me this sounds fair enough.
Last night we had quite a serious talk. I think because i haven't been upset or attacking or anything like that, he thinks that i'm not angry etc. I told him that infact i was very angry, but i refused to let my emotions rule me. I explained to him that, although i was happy that he has decided that he wants to work on things, i can not be expected to simply jump right back into things. That i feel very insecure in our relationship and that the trust between us had been seriously undermined. I also said that i was extremely angry about the fact that he spent $20k in the past 3 months, that was our saving money for the last 6 yrs and we where supposed to have a 3 month holiday this year, now thats off!! I also explained that i would not support him financally, other than the consessions i'm made towards his obligations to the mortgage.
He talked about the fact that he just wants things to be ok again, and knows that he needs to slow it down.
He got upset, because i didn't invite him to come to my parents place for sunday dinner. Now i know that if he had come my dad would have flattened him! They are very, very angry at him and it will take a very long time for my family to accept H again. They loved him dearly, but you don't hurt 'one' of us! I don't know if they will ever really accept him again. They think that I'm crazy for even considering having him back, sometimes i agree with them!
H still has no where else to live, this is really getting on my wick now. He agreed to live somewhere else, it was a condition of his return, but he is really dragging his feet in organising it, i think he justs wants me to say that he can stay at home......
Not sure how i'm going to enforce this, or even if i should, just showa me that he doesn't do the things that he says!
