But when the weather cooled down, W refused to go for walks anymore and I grew resentful.
THIS is exactly what I'm struggling with. Resentful? Is that the right word?
I completely get that people have different interests. It's harder for me to imagine that other people have the SAME interests as me, even common things like gardening, unless I actually know that they do, because of the variety of things out there. Every other day or so, there are 40,000 people in this town that pay money to sit in a hot stadium, eat expensive junk food, and wait in long lines to use dirty restrooms, all for the "fun" of going to a Cardinals ballgame. Me, I prefer to watch on television, if I watch at all. I wouldn't buy a Coach purse if it was on clearance for $5, because I don't like the styles, whereas there are many people that pay over $300. Unless it's illegal or immoral, I'm game with each person living their own life as they see fit.
I don't know how to feel "resentful" because someone isn't doing something for me just because I WANT them to. It's different if they owe me (I worked 8 hours, I expect to get paid for 8 hours.) It's especially foreign to me to expect someone to do something for me when they flat-out don't want to do it. I consider the other person to be an adult that is perfectly capable of making their own decisions, even making their own mistakes, especially on the optional/recreational activities they like. I've even met people that don't like chocolate (GASP!) but I didn't try to convince them otherwise, or slip some chocolate into something they ate. I figured by that point in life, they knew whether or not they liked it. I have boundaries when it comes to doing something "to" me, but not in regards to doing something "for" me. Have I got it wrong? Is this one of those things like ballgames and coach purses where I'm just missing something?
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"How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" talked about the fact that men can feel great comfort just knowing you're present. You don't have to be in the same room, you don't have to talk or interact in any way, but knowing you're there is comforting to a man.
What is the "comfort?" Is it ego? (like I've got me a woman here, even if she despises me, that's okay.) Is it safety (like I'll protect him if an intruder breaks in?) I haven't read that book, but most I've read talk about a man wanting to disappear into his "cave" -- alone. H and I had a discussion about us watching a movie together. He wants to do it, but every single time, he falls asleep and starts snoring 5 minutes into the movie. It is not acceptable to him for me to take the movie and go to another room after he has fallen asleep. I've asked him to explain but I literally get dead silence. Can anyone explain this to me? It comes across to me as very controlling and demeaning. Is this something the guys do when they get together? Say it's for a movie or cards or to watch a game, and then everyone just falls asleep and snores together? Because that's somehow comforting?
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I used to feel that way too. After I was cheated on and the bomb was dropped, I felt differently. As a matter of fact, as recently as 2 weeks before the bomb dropped I was thinking that if W would be happier with someone else that would be fine with me, I'd go my own way. That feeling changed after the bomb.
Can I ask, what was the "new" feeling? Why did it change?
I'm sure I'm coming across as frustrated. I'm am, but not at anyone in particular. It just seems so illogical to me, and yet somehow I'm supposed to understand it in a relationship.
