Rollercoaster...of love...Trying to get to the top

[Nblost]

Ro,
New to your sitch, but I commend you for taking the high road and enduring all of this while living with H. I can't imagine.

My H has been in an EA/PA since last June. He won't end the affair, yet doesn't want a divorce. I was trying to do what you're doing...but have now successfully detached and am trying to get H out of the house.

I don't know what your H is like, but I'd share a few thoughts:
--Keep detaching. H is just one person in your life and you need to fill your life with other things to fulfill you. He still loves you, that's clear...but does he fully respect and appreciate you? I doubt it, and I think he has to see the risk of losing you to change.

--Consider if you are enabling him to continue the A knowing that you're willing to put up with it and if anything, it's made you "friendlier". You don't have to follow it now, but you may want to look at the book "Tough Love" by James Dobson.

--Brace yourself that the A may be "worse" than you think it is. Don't make any assumptions about what is or is not happening. In my case, I would notice H getting friendlier, not mentioning the A...but later discover he was planning a vacation with OW.

Hang in there and stay strong!