Didn't think I'd have to come back...

[FreeBird0120]

Thanks Starsky,

I will check again when I get a chance. You are correct, I think in my hyper-vigilance, I'm starting to question everything.

He swears up and down that he hasn't talked to her since I found out, and that he thinks that since he made the initial call, and then didn't answer her calls or call her again that she just may be over it. (Hopefully) If it's something else, I don't know...he has said he's afraid to talk to me, so maybe it's nothing I don't know. I don't know anything anymore ya know??

Since the phone is his work cell, I can only look at the phone log that the phone provides. If he is talking to her, he has the capability to erase the phone calls he doesn't want to to see from the phone. If I was able to obtain the phone records from his office thru Verizon, I could find out, but that's not a possibility, so I only have the phone to look at.

We talked a little bit this morning, and he said I make him sad. He feels bad that I'm hurting so much. I really want to believe this. I really want to believe he just slipped up innocently, and contacted her only to vent or get things off of his chest.

I am starting all over again from square one with less faith then I had the 1st time and it's so hard. I'm a strong woman, but I just don't know how much more I can take.

I obtained a printout for the wayward spouse from Surviving Infidelity that let's the wayward spouse really understand each phase the BS goes through, so I'm thinking of giving it to him to read.

He had offered on Tues. when I found out about their recent conversations that he would be willing to give back the company phone and give me the passwords to our cell phone company so that I could check when I needed to. Nothing has been done yet obviously so I asked if he would still be willing to do that, and he said he would, but that he couldn't do it until August as his job finishes in August and all of the Superintendents and people from other companies have his work #, but that he would do it then. To me it shouldn't be that difficult to give everyone your personal cell #, but whatever.

I feel like walking on egg shells with him and his emotional and mental state as well. I feel like if I bring too much negativity to the plate it will push him away, but negativity just seems to be overwhelming me right now.

Thanks for helping me thru this...if it weren't for you guys here I would have no one!!