WHG: Looking for the shrinking cake

[workinghardguy]

I actually do... I have a list written down with the relevant details. I started doing this because I got tired of her forgetting that we had discussed x or y, and because it is a lot to get tossed at you when you get home from a 12 hour shift.

It has helped to a degree. I can hand her the list now and we go down the items together. When done I leave. It's just getting the list done each time that doesn't always happen. And sometimes the details are too extensive to reasonably put down in writing or are simply easier to convey orally. Some nights are quiet and orderly, others are crazy and busy as life with kids happens to be. Tonight will be one of those crazy, busy nights.

It's hard to explain, but here's a sample of how this goes some times (this from last week). I took S to the dentist for his first check-up. He has two small cavities and a "fused tooth". The fused tooth thing is too complicated to write out (80% of human communication is non-verbal remember). So when she gets home I tell her of the dental visit. I tell her of the cavities and that I scheduled an appointment in two weeks. Cost to each of us will be $45. And right here is where it goes off the tracks....

this is the point where she frowns and, in this case, asked if we really had to get them filled right now. That she doesn't have the money to pay her half right now. That things are so expensive, the kids eat so much, etc.... if I let her go on she'd go half an hour.

In this case I simply stood firm and said that the cavities had to be filled. I reminded her of SS's teeth and how untreated baby teeth cavities (from before we lived together) cost us thousands of dollars (which I paid when we first lived together). I understand money is tight but it's just something that has to be done. I reminded her she has a flex-spending account for just this sort of thing and that I was willing to pay the dentist and if she wanted me to wait to cash her check until that deposit arrived (usually takes 2-3 days) I would be willing to do that.

Then I left.

Part of this is also just me getting better at cutting her off. That just sounds very easy but in practice is harder than it sounds.